There are 2 babies out there who need a family. We could be that family...maybe. Our social worker gave us the option of being considered. That's a couple steps away from a sure bet, but still my heart is getting tangled up in the possibility. Time is running out, and for all intents and purposes we may have missed the opportunity to parent these babies. They may have been placed with another family.
Hubby and I promised each other that we would be on the same page, and that we would wait to hear from God about this before we pursue a referral. So far, Hubby isn't sure we should move forward. Truly, I don't want to manipulate my husband or force a situation that isn't not best for us or the babies.
However, today I read that loosing a referral in adoption feels like a miscarriage;you grieve the loss of loving the children you never got to hold. I think this will be true for me. I'll be sad if they don't become ours. Just today I said, "I have peace about whatever happens." That's true and I'm not sure how that is compatible with the loss I'll feel, but it is. I'll be okay, and I'll be sad. I know its crazy.
I'm an over-achiever when it comes to pro/con charts. We do a pro/con matrix on Excel when we have a decision to make. I'm not joking, we make spreadsheets and program formulas. My matrix and spreadsheet approach is useless when it comes to this. If we make a decision based on purely temporal factors this is the dumbest idea ever, yet we are storing up treasures in heaven. I haven't figured out how to represent that on a chart yet. How do you measure the God factor, or the heart factor, or the family factor?
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