Where to begin?
Daughter #2 (and kid #4) was adopted through foster-care. She was itty-bitty when she came to us and thus avoided much of the trauma her biological sisters endured in their home of origin. My brown-eyed girl is an absolute doll; everywhere we go I get random strangers commenting on her general cuteness. And, let's be honest here, the girl is SUPER cute. She is also bright, maybe even very bright. So I have this darling and intelligent kid and it's easy to assume everything is normal. Oh, there are indicators that something is amiss, but they are easily overlooked, and to the general public they are entirely invisible. Even to our friends and family these "QUIRKS" are nearly invisible.
Yet...
According to Karyn Purvis (adoption and childhood trauma specialist), and our pediatrician and my daughter's occupational therapist there are almost certainly physiological differences in her brain. These differences can be managed, but they will never go away. Never. They will likely have bigger and bigger implications as she grows and matures.
What's a mom supposed to do with that? 'Cause the kid looks normal, and she's my daughter and I love her. How do I come to grips with that? How do I tell people who need to know what's really going on and still keep my daughter's story her own. If I told people, would they even believe me? I don't want to give my daughter a label that carries a stigma, but how do I let the world know that not all of the same rules apply to this pretty little brown eyed preschooler?
And, seriously, how do I parent this kid?
SI dysfunction.
Adhd.
Information Processing/Auditory Processing Disorder
Sensory Seeking.
Poor transitioning.
Executive Function Differences.
Causal Relationship Issues
Sleep Disorder
Preconception /Body Awareness Problems
It's an alphabet soup of mumbo jumbo.
If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who give generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him...James 1:5
Ah God, it's me, I need wisdom. I need a generous heaping helping of it. Because you've called me to mother this precious child, yet I don't know how...
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Bear, the Psycotic Dog
My kids have been begging for a pet for years. According to them they were the only kids in America without a one; it's a terrible burden to bear. I held out for a good long time, but the mom guilt gets to you after a while, so it was time to consider. consider. consider. pet acquisition.
Reptiles, amphibians, and rodents are icky. They were, and are, an absolute NO GO!
Cats give me hives and make it impossible to breathe.
Dogs...I'm allergic to some dogs. But there are a few that I can tolerate.
Thus, began the saga.
The story begins with me doing hours upon hours of research into hypo-allergenic dogs. Apparently, poodles are the hypo-allergenic-ist of all dogs. So people cross breed poodles with other breeds to get the hypo-allergenic qualities of a poodle and hopefully breed out the poodle ugliness. They're called designer dogs, and unbeknownst to me they are all the rage. There are labradoodles, and goldendoodles, and ausi-doodles, and cockadoodles. And then there are micro-mini versions of all of the above. It boggles the mind.
There is also a breed called bichpoos A certain sad and pathetic bichpoo had taken up residence at the Dumb Friends League, and my internet research had brought him to my attention. Eddie and I went to check on the hypoallergenic qualities of this dog, and ended up bringing him home. He was a sorry sight. Bad hair cut. Recently neutered. Skittish little thing. But he loved me - loved me to distraction.
We named him Oso, which means bear. It was wishful thinking.
One week and a couple hundred dollars into dog ownership we discovered a thing. The dog was psychotic. Fear had driven him insane. Really. I'd leave and he'd freak out to the point he'd start injuring himself. He chewed off his own claw. We're tolerant of neurosis, so we though we could deal with that. Until he started growling, barking and lunging at every little boy in sight. There are currently 4 little boys in residence. So poor Oso had to go before he attacked a kid.
(Philosophical sidenote: Some people are like Oso, the Psychotic Dog. They are so driven by fear that they hurt themselves and others. The need to control destroys them and the people around them.)
We returned Oso, the Psychotic Dog to the shelter Wednesday. But, of course, the story cannot end here. My kids have ridden an emotional roller-coaster. It went like this:
Children had born the burden of pet-free status for years.
Finally, they got a dog.
The dog was psychotic.
The dog had to be returned.
Imagine with me the years of therapy this kind of trauma could entail...
I needed a hypo-allergenic, non-psychotic puppy, at a deep discount, and in a hurry.
So I email every breeder of hypo-allergenic pups this side of the Mississippi, begging for a discount. Designer dogs are expensive. I needed a miracle of puppy proportion.
Kathy, at AAC Ranch, came through for me. She had mercy on our pathetic story and sold us a darling little fuzz ball at an $800 discount. We call her Kota. It's short for Lakota Pumpkin. "Pumpkin" because its October. "Lakota" because that is kid #4's ethnic background. I think it might be weird to name your dog after your daughters ethnic background. I mean really who names their dog African American, or Northern European? You see what I mean?
Anyway - we are now pet owners. She's nine weeks old. And a puppy in every sense of the word.
Reptiles, amphibians, and rodents are icky. They were, and are, an absolute NO GO!
Cats give me hives and make it impossible to breathe.
Dogs...I'm allergic to some dogs. But there are a few that I can tolerate.
Thus, began the saga.
The story begins with me doing hours upon hours of research into hypo-allergenic dogs. Apparently, poodles are the hypo-allergenic-ist of all dogs. So people cross breed poodles with other breeds to get the hypo-allergenic qualities of a poodle and hopefully breed out the poodle ugliness. They're called designer dogs, and unbeknownst to me they are all the rage. There are labradoodles, and goldendoodles, and ausi-doodles, and cockadoodles. And then there are micro-mini versions of all of the above. It boggles the mind.
There is also a breed called bichpoos A certain sad and pathetic bichpoo had taken up residence at the Dumb Friends League, and my internet research had brought him to my attention. Eddie and I went to check on the hypoallergenic qualities of this dog, and ended up bringing him home. He was a sorry sight. Bad hair cut. Recently neutered. Skittish little thing. But he loved me - loved me to distraction.
We named him Oso, which means bear. It was wishful thinking.
One week and a couple hundred dollars into dog ownership we discovered a thing. The dog was psychotic. Fear had driven him insane. Really. I'd leave and he'd freak out to the point he'd start injuring himself. He chewed off his own claw. We're tolerant of neurosis, so we though we could deal with that. Until he started growling, barking and lunging at every little boy in sight. There are currently 4 little boys in residence. So poor Oso had to go before he attacked a kid.
(Philosophical sidenote: Some people are like Oso, the Psychotic Dog. They are so driven by fear that they hurt themselves and others. The need to control destroys them and the people around them.)
We returned Oso, the Psychotic Dog to the shelter Wednesday. But, of course, the story cannot end here. My kids have ridden an emotional roller-coaster. It went like this:
Children had born the burden of pet-free status for years.
Finally, they got a dog.
The dog was psychotic.
The dog had to be returned.
Imagine with me the years of therapy this kind of trauma could entail...
I needed a hypo-allergenic, non-psychotic puppy, at a deep discount, and in a hurry.
So I email every breeder of hypo-allergenic pups this side of the Mississippi, begging for a discount. Designer dogs are expensive. I needed a miracle of puppy proportion.
Kathy, at AAC Ranch, came through for me. She had mercy on our pathetic story and sold us a darling little fuzz ball at an $800 discount. We call her Kota. It's short for Lakota Pumpkin. "Pumpkin" because its October. "Lakota" because that is kid #4's ethnic background. I think it might be weird to name your dog after your daughters ethnic background. I mean really who names their dog African American, or Northern European? You see what I mean?
Anyway - we are now pet owners. She's nine weeks old. And a puppy in every sense of the word.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
INFP
Our small group recently did the Myers-Briggs test and a spirtual gifts inventory. I am an:
INFP (an acronym)
Introvert - I renew energy by being alone. I am introspective and contemplative.
iNtuitive - Patterns, intuition, and relationship inform my life. I dream.
Feeling - People, and their feelings play into my decision making.
Perceiving - I like my options option, and am comfortable with being in process.
Now I've been an INFP since the very first time I took this personality inventory in high-school. People who know we well, and understand the Myers-Briggs verify my INFP status.
Here's the rub. The test I took last week turned out a bit differently. Though I AM an INFP I act Like a INTJ.
This annoys me.
It annoys me a LOT.
Because it sorta means I operate outside of my wiring. I've adapted to my life by acquiring survival skills.
Like being logical.
Like paying attention to details.
Like being goal oriented, and task focused.
These things aren't bad things, but let's be honest here, there not all that FUN either.
They're functional.
But, once, I was a dreamer.
Once, I was an artist.
I used to now how to glory in the beauty of a fall afternoon, and NOT do my laundry.
And believe it or not, years ago, I had the reputation of a slacker who distracted others from their work.
(In self-defense, I wasn't an actual slacker; I was just skilled at working the system so my work took me less time. I do, however, plead the 5th on the part about distracting others from their work. It might have happened, a time or two or... )
Life is stressful. It's busy. It's full of tasks that need to be done. right. now.
But somewhere in the midst of things I've lost the art of play. I lost the head in the clouds day-dreamer I used to be. What if I could just:
CHILL OUT!
and play.
and read.
and dream.
and pray.
What if I embraced these tendencies in my children?
INFP (an acronym)
Introvert - I renew energy by being alone. I am introspective and contemplative.
iNtuitive - Patterns, intuition, and relationship inform my life. I dream.
Feeling - People, and their feelings play into my decision making.
Perceiving - I like my options option, and am comfortable with being in process.
Now I've been an INFP since the very first time I took this personality inventory in high-school. People who know we well, and understand the Myers-Briggs verify my INFP status.
Here's the rub. The test I took last week turned out a bit differently. Though I AM an INFP I act Like a INTJ.
This annoys me.
It annoys me a LOT.
Because it sorta means I operate outside of my wiring. I've adapted to my life by acquiring survival skills.
Like being logical.
Like paying attention to details.
Like being goal oriented, and task focused.
These things aren't bad things, but let's be honest here, there not all that FUN either.
They're functional.
But, once, I was a dreamer.
Once, I was an artist.
I used to now how to glory in the beauty of a fall afternoon, and NOT do my laundry.
And believe it or not, years ago, I had the reputation of a slacker who distracted others from their work.
(In self-defense, I wasn't an actual slacker; I was just skilled at working the system so my work took me less time. I do, however, plead the 5th on the part about distracting others from their work. It might have happened, a time or two or... )
Life is stressful. It's busy. It's full of tasks that need to be done. right. now.
But somewhere in the midst of things I've lost the art of play. I lost the head in the clouds day-dreamer I used to be. What if I could just:
CHILL OUT!
and play.
and read.
and dream.
and pray.
What if I embraced these tendencies in my children?
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