A Moment of Parenting Brilliance

Most of parenthood is done on the fly. And sometimes along the way you have a moment of brilliance, a moment when you say to yourself, "I am a fabulous mother, and my children are lucky to have me." Granted, this doesn't happen often, so when it happens I try to savor it. Here is how it played out:

My first born got a hankering for this bike seat cover I brought home from Sports Authority - they were on clearance, and there was only one left. He had to have it! He was also totally broke. I told him I'd buy it, and he'd have two choices. He could buy it from me when he'd saved up enough money, or we could set up a mortgage and he could have it now but pay an additional 10%. E chose a mortgage - complete with payment structure and late payment fees. Also, if he misses two payments in a row I can (and will) foreclose on him.

As a six year old, E's employment opportunities are somewhat limited. Basically, he's got to fill 5 gallon buckets with landscaping rock from our backyard, each bucket is worth 50 cents. E's payments are 50 cents a day. You get the picture .

Today there was a serious infraction; the consequence of this infraction is that our eldest will have to spend tomorrow inside - all day. At the time I gave the consequence I didn't realize the impact that would make on E's ability to make his mortgage payment. But hey - in the real world consequences compound: you get a DUI, you lose your licence, you've got to ride the bus to work etc etc. You get grounded, you can't fill a five gallon bucket with rocks, you miss your mortgage payment, you incur steep late fees.

When E got news of this it was about 40 minutes to sundown. He had just enough time to fill 2 buckets with rocks and make enough money for today and tomorrow. He did it. It was traumatic. He won't soon forget. I think he learned something about procrastinating, consequences, and personal finances.

But what's better is that E knew he'd made a contract, and he knew the consequences he'd gotten were fair. He was sad, but he wasn't angry at me. In fact E and M stayed up late with me and made cookie bars and read stories. We snuggled on the couch. I love it when I can discipline my kids and also capture their hearts. All the yelling and screaming in the world can't teach as well as natural consequences. And really if I don't have my kids love and respect I'll never be able to influence their character. Ahh...if only I were this parenting savvy all the time.

Mini-Miracle

So Ed's got this friend who has an addiction to tools. He's got everything. The other day he called my husband, out of the blue, and asked if we needed help with our landscaping. He's got a new big ol' saw with a diamond blade that will cut through concrete. Hallelujah, an answered prayer!

Our home's previous owner started to build a huge deck in the middle of our back yard. The deck was was unfinished, but the concrete pads used for supporting the deck were complete. There were 9 posts - serious overkill and a serious pain to remove. We had gone rounds about what to do. Eddie wanted to dig them up by hand and I wanted to pay someone to remove them. I often win arguments like this, but I could tell I was going to lose this battle. So I started to pray. I asked God to either change my husbands heart, or bring us help....and along comes Denis with his enormous diamond bladed cutting machine - and in the matter of one Thursday evening all the concrete got dug up.

This is my own little mini-miracle -an answered prayer to remind me that in the middle of this season of waiting that we have not been forgotten. God cares about me - and concrete in my backyard is not too silly of a thing for him to care about.

Blogging is a Bad Habit

My friend, Julia the Indomitable, has decided to become a triathlete. What's more, she has conned several of her good friends into participating in a sprint triathlon relay of sorts. I'm the bike leg of our team. I haven't really biked since elementary school, and for some reason I don't remember my butt hurting so badly when I rode a bike as a kid. Now, I'm just praying for callouses to develop on my sweet little derriere. No luck, thus far.

So now my kids are rotting their brains in front of the TV while I am blogging. This is the time of the day when I usually work out. But today I feel crummy and so instead of being a hard core athlete I'm blogging about not exercising-this, I think, is slightly warped. Blogging is a bad habit.

My Hope

Why are you downcast oh my Soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God. - Psalms 43:5

Hope. Gotta have it. Without HOPE the drudgery of life will suck you in.

But as important as it is to hope; it's more important to hope in the right things.

Here is what I'm hoping for:

-Our landscaping project would be done quickly and beautifully, and under budget.
(can't have all 3 - 2 of the 3 - but not all 3)
-My kids would stop whining
(not likely)
-My husband and I would always see eye to eye
(also not going to happen in our lifetime)
-A truck for my husband
(fiscally responsible people would continue to drive the granny car until it dies - and the thing won't die)
-Swimming lessons, music lesson, and sports camps for my kids
(we can afford 1 of the 3 - and besides if my kids did all that stuff I'd have to drive them)
- A simple adoption process, not legal hang ups, no endless waiting, and of course the perfect kid
(this is social services after all - they specialize in bureaucracy. Inefficient is their middle name)

Are you beginning to see the dilemma? My hope is misplaced, and I'm heading towards disappointment. My hope needs to be in something/someone that doesn't disappoint. So in the words of the great hymn,

"On Christ the Solid Rock I stand - all other ground is sinking sand."

Boys in the Bathroom Mirror

Here's a pic I took of two of my boys. Round these parts Daddy is elevated to hero status, and snuggle time is highly coveted.

Adventures in Bubland

Self Portrait. Guess who got hold of the digital camera? We have about 6 more in this genre, not to metion the 20 or so others documenting his sisters shoes, toys on the floor, and whatever else Bub thought was picture worthy.

Messing with Fonts

I have work to do:
Pink eye antibiotics to administer
beds to strip
Lysol to spray
breakfast dishes to wash
maybe I should lose the bathrobe
I probably should brush my teeth
okay, okay I'll brush my teeth
Yet here I sit - procrastinating
MESSING WITH THE FONTS ON MY BLOG
I wonder what kind of mental health coverage Blue Cross has.....

That's Just Dumb...

I read a survey in Woman's Day that reported that something like 82% of women said that their highest goal for their child is to get a college education and subsequently have a successful career.

Do I want my kids to go to college? Yeah. Do I want them to have careers they enjoy? Sure. Is that my highest goal? NO WAY! The bar is set far too low. I want my kids to know and walk with God; I want them to live with integrity and passion. I want them to be blessed with friendships, and great marriages; I want them to experience the delight, and hard work of parenthood. I want them to be faithful stewards: to give generously, live faithfully, and invest in themselves and others. Its more important to me that my kids love to learn, than hold a degree. (though I gotta say college is fun, and I hope my kids choose to attend). My dreams are much bigger than a diploma and a steady paycheck.

So to the 82% I say, "Come on folks...That's the best you can do? That's all you want your your kids?" Seriously, that's just dumb.

Six-Flags has Nothing on Adoption

Our social worker left a voice mail yesterday that another family had been chosen for the 2 babies. She was gracious, and thanked us for thinking though the possibility of doing the sibling "thing". As I listened to her talk I felt a little relieved; two babies and three young children is a lot to parent - especially if you throw in homeschooling. I also felt sad; these are two I'll never get to meet, let alone love. Mostly, I felt exhausted. Adoption has put me on an emotional roller-coaster - the "what-ifs" and the waiting are taxing in a way I can't describe. Anyway, it is my firm belief that the spinning, whirling, world of adoption blows Six Flags out of the water if you compare the number of tips and turns each has to offer.

A Week Later

A week ago we put our name on the "short list" of perspective parents for the 2 babies. Yesterday "they" were supposed to have met, and decided on a family. I'm hoping to hear from our social worker today or tomorrow. It is impossible to plan for the future when I don't know what is ahead. Silly decision about what sessions of swimming lessons to sign the kids up for, or what plants to buy for the flower bed in front are impacted by whether or not we will get these babies. I'm a planner - I like to have a plan; I don't necessarily like to follow the plan, but there is a certain security in knowing that there is a plan to fall back on. This defies planning. I read a verse the other day that was comforting.

"By faith, Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."

If Abraham knew where he was going, if he knew that it would be the land of his inheritance, and better than he could imagine, it wouldn't have been faith. "Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see". I said I wanted to walk by faith, but somehow I thought I could manage it without the faith part. Faith isn't doing the safe or rational thing. Faith, by definition, requires risk. I'm no Abraham, but I think I understand a little how he must have felt as he left his homeland behind. I have no idea where we are "going" and I'm trying to obey, anyway.

And we will walk by faith, not by sight...

"Adoption does not always make commonsense, but it does make spiritual sense. "

God is the father to the fatherless;he cares for those who have been overlooked by the world. When we feel the "call" to adopt we can be sure that that "call" is from Him. Self would dictate an easier path, the world would say "kids are a hassle", and Satan certainly has no intention of caring for widows and orphans. Adoption is straight from God's heart, and when we are called to it we can know that we are about God's work.

I'm not saying this to gloss over the very real challenges we will face. There is nothing really glamorous about changing your fifth poopy diaper of the day on 3 hours of sleep. There is nothing very spiritual about deciding if you can afford swimming lessons for everybody because you grocery budget just got a lot tighter. But I do believe, I have to believe, that God is in this. And I am throwing myself at the grace of a good God, trusting him to provide - not only today, but tomorrow and in decades from now when our 401k is not as hefty as it would have been if we had chosen another path.

All this to say, that if we are chosen ( by the GAL, and social workers) we will choose to add 2 babies to our family. And the Faith Adventure Begins....

An Adoption Update

Last Thursday I talked with our social worker; she put us on the short list of prospective parents for the sibling group - remember, the 2 babies. Are we really any closer to making a decision? No. But this move gives us more time to decide, and possibly more information about these little ones. This doesn't necessarily mean that we'll be chosen. Nor does it obligate us.

We'll just have to wait and see.

This morning I was feeling confident in my ability to parent a whole bunch of kids, but this evening I am tired. I remember what it feels like to be chronically tired. I remember the brain atrophy. Though there is no medical evidence to substanciate it, I am certain that the brain size of a woman who is parenting a baby actually shrinks; its only when the baby reaches age 2 that the brain cells regenerate. Thinking about doing the 2 baby thing makes me want to call it a night, and its only a quarter to 8.

The Journey

There are 2 babies out there who need a family. We could be that family...maybe. Our social worker gave us the option of being considered. That's a couple steps away from a sure bet, but still my heart is getting tangled up in the possibility. Time is running out, and for all intents and purposes we may have missed the opportunity to parent these babies. They may have been placed with another family.

Hubby and I promised each other that we would be on the same page, and that we would wait to hear from God about this before we pursue a referral. So far, Hubby isn't sure we should move forward. Truly, I don't want to manipulate my husband or force a situation that isn't not best for us or the babies.

However, today I read that loosing a referral in adoption feels like a miscarriage;you grieve the loss of loving the children you never got to hold. I think this will be true for me. I'll be sad if they don't become ours. Just today I said, "I have peace about whatever happens." That's true and I'm not sure how that is compatible with the loss I'll feel, but it is. I'll be okay, and I'll be sad. I know its crazy.

I'm an over-achiever when it comes to pro/con charts. We do a pro/con matrix on Excel when we have a decision to make. I'm not joking, we make spreadsheets and program formulas. My matrix and spreadsheet approach is useless when it comes to this. If we make a decision based on purely temporal factors this is the dumbest idea ever, yet we are storing up treasures in heaven. I haven't figured out how to represent that on a chart yet. How do you measure the God factor, or the heart factor, or the family factor?

Adoption: Where the Rubber Meets the Road

Yesterday I talked with our social worker. There is a ten month old baby girl coming into care who needs a home. This little girl's birthmom is very pregnant, and will have her baby within the next couple of weeks. Our worker says that they will place the kids together. "Are we interested?"

First of all choosing to do foster-adoption (aka legal risk) is scary. Having four kids is a stretch. Adoption, in general, is met with curious glances, especially when the couple doing the adopting already has 3 biological kids. But adopting siblings eleven months apart?

I could mention the benefits of siblings being raised together, or I could say how I think having a big family will be fun. But the reality is that a pro-con chart is not going to tip the scales in favor of moving forward with this adoption. From a financial perspective this move is not defensible. It does nothing positive for our 401K, nor is there really much hope for the future. This is not a good decision if we are looking to get a full nights sleep - anytime in the next 2 years. This is not a good decision if I want to have time to read a book - anytime in the next 2 years.

This is "leap of faith" material - pure and simple. Can we count on the grace of God to see us through? Can we count on him to supply all of our needs? Do we trust that He has called us to this, and that he will never abandon us in the journey? Do we believe that children - no matter how they are brought to us, or how close in age - are always a blessing? Will we love our kids, give them the best of us, knowing they are likely to break our hearts? Are we willing to look freakish to the world because we want to know and obey the One who made us?

Regardless of our decision about these two little ones, these are question I need to answer. I could play it safe, or I could walk by faith, and I want to walk by faith. If these little ones are to be ours I'm praying that Eddie and I will have unity. I'm also doing the "Gideon Thing". Lord, give me a sign, okay one more, and one more. Make it obvious; I'm not that bright and I'm a bit of a weeny.

On your marks, get set....

3rd Place in the Science Fair

E did his science fair project on Sugar Crystals. Do you know if sugar crystals grow bigger if the solute cools quickly or slowly? E does. We're very proud of his hard work.

Fairy Tale Party

M's Birthday was in March. She had a FairyTale Party. It was a sweeping success, the talk of the season among the homeschool set - hee hee. There was much sparkle; giggles and squeels aplenty.

Bub

So I just figured out how to add pictures to my blog. This could get dangerous. Anyway, awhile back I blogged about my youngest son, Bub. Remember I said he was adorable and ornery. Consider this picture proof.

Zoo Trip

Reasons We Choose Adoption II

I love my sisters. My sisters are cool. They are my friends, and they share a my history and family. I can always call one of them to get a recipe, or chat, or help me pick a paint color. Sisters are the best at telling you if your butt looks fat in jeans - husbands (the smart ones, at least) suck at this.

I want my daughter to have a sister. I'm not naive enough to assume that just becuase we have 2 girls in our family they will be great friends. But I want M to have the experience of sisterhood. It's a special relationship.

Honestly, this is one of the reasons I want to adopt.