Confessions of a Homeschool Dropout (almost)

If you've been following my blog you know that 6 weeks ago or so I "hit a wall". I woke up one morning and said "I CANNOT DO THIS." And by "this" I meant homeschool my children. So, we declared a state of emergency, and took a break. We discovered my depression had snuck up on me again and I got proper treatment.

Both Eddie and I thought that we should delay any decision about our children's schooling until I got my depression under control. I felt that any decision I made would be a reaction to depression and not necessarily what was best for our family. Secretly, I thought once my depression was treated I'd choose to homeschool my kids. After all, I have loved homeschooling and it's been such a good thing for our family.

BUT...

I was wrong

Before I began this school year I was in a tizzy about being able to meet the needs of all my children. Homeschooling 3 with a toddler in tow, had me in a genuine panic. I dismissed this concern, because lots of people do it. Surely, I could too.

Well, ah, not so much.

We have some sweet moments, but I am exhausting myself AND not meeting the needs of my children. My son is lonely, my daughter needs more structure, Bub needs a mom who is more available. I don't want to miss out on my baby's toddlerhood because I'm scrambling to fit in a spelling test. I need help.

So we checked into some schools and discovered a fabulous option. It's a private Christian School, and the more we check into it, the more we get to know the teachers and culture, the more I love this as an option for my kids. I feels such peace about partnering with this school to educate my kids. And so...I am about to join the ranks of the homeschool dropouts.

It's strange though. I have loved homeschooling. I will miss it. My kids will miss it. Yet I know that this is a season that is passing in our lives.

I know that sending my kids to private Christian school doesn't sound like risky business. But for us it's definately a faith walk. It's expensive, and doesn't make much sense financially. Eddie calculated just how much it would cost to put 4 kids through private school. The grand total is astounding. We could buy a house with the money we will spend on tuition. And, while we have some answers for the short term, we don't know how we're going to do it.

My kids really really want to be homeschooled. They are feeling angry and sad, and nervous. I don't blame them. I feel those things too. But I know...I know... this is what we need to do.