I don't get it God!

Once, many moons ago, we were considered as potential parents for a sibling group. Two babies, in fact, needed a home. One would be 1o months old and the other would be a brand new one, straight from the hospital. We were overwhelmed at the idea of going from a family with three children to a family with five children. We prayed, and we prayed, and over the course of a few days decided that if these were the children that God had for us, then we would joyfully accept them into our home.

Ultimately, they were placed with another family. This was a good thing; it was the path that led us to our daughter. But, still, I was devastated by the loss. Which made no sense, I know it. But there it is. To this day I cannot understand why God led us through the process of opening our hearts to two children who would never be our own.

Wednesday felt a little like that. I was busy filling out enrollment papers for our kids to start school in December. When, it finally dawned on me that the one job that I'd found that would work with our families schedule (sort of) would actually cost us money by the time I paid childcare. And then I found out that the freelance job I was planning on was going to get nixed due to budget cutbacks.

We were excited about school for our kids. We'd prayed about it. We felt peace. And then the money to pay for tuition evaporated. And like that, our plans changed.

So now the plan is to continue to homeschool the kids, and squeeze our budget to hire a babysitter a couple mornings a weeks to watch the baby. Because homeschooling 3 while caring for a toddler is kinda beyond me. This feels okay. Good actually. But I don't get it. I cannot even begin to tell you the emotional energy and time I put into finding this school for the kids. It seems like such a waste.

Sometimes, more times than children's books and Disney movies let on, life doesn't make sense. The bad guy doesn't always wear a black hat, and the hero isn't always riding a white stallion. Sometimes going around in circles is the shortest distance between two points. And that make no sense to me.

But only told you about half of my Wednesday.

There is another part of the story. Scroll back to 8 AM Wednesday morning with me. Picture me with messy hair and a bathrobe helping the kids do their chores. Picture me frazzled and freaking out about how to pay for school. Right about then is when my daughter handed me a white scrap of paper off her bedroom floor. She said, "Mom, I want you to have this." Sure. Whatever. I stuffed it in the pocket of my fluffy white bathrobe. When I pulled it out to read later I discovered it was the verse my daughter had been learning at church. It read, "God is my shepherd. He gives me everything I need."

I wasn't aware that God used 6 year old couriers to deliver His messages. Apparently, He does. Because that little scrap of paper was a message from God to me. Personal, and appropriate. This is what he said,

"Chill - I know - I care - I'll take care of you. "

And at the end of the day, after tuition money evaporated, I still didn't understand. There was no "Ahh..Haaa". But somehow, in the mess of it all, God will give me everything I need. I know because he told me...via a 6 year old courier service.