It's one thing to blog about my mouse problem, or my ideas on church; it's something else to share what what's eating at my heart. That's vulnerable in a way I'm not sure I want to be on a blog. Apparently, people read this. I'm glad you do; I'm just not sure why.
But, today, I'll give you a window into my heart, on the off chance you'll be encouraged by my struggle. It's official...4 years into homeschooling I'm struggling with burnout. Talk to any veteran homeschooler and they'll tell you that almost everyone who homeschools eventually hits this wall. Talk to any socieologist and they'll tell you that caretaking professions expereince high employee turnover. Nursing homes, preschools, special-needs school, ministries, and the like are especially prone. They forget about homeschooing. Caring for people is emotionally costly, and it can leave you bankrupt if your not mindful. I forgot to pay attention; my emotional checking account is fast approaching a zero balance.
I'm pretty introspective and analytical. Eventually, I'll get to a point where I can evaluate the emotional vampires in my life and restructure things in a way that is balanced. But now, I'm tired. It's the bone deep kind of exhaustion. I feel sad, and weepy. But it's homeschool specific. The other areas of my life don't feel like such a drain. It's homeschooling that looms over my head, and I'm not sure what to do with that. My first thought is to bail on homeschooling. But the words of an old pastor ring in my head. He said, "Never doubt in the darkness, what God has clearly shown you in the light."
The problem is that I didn't really pray about homeschooling this year. I just assumed that's what we'd do. I never felt like I heard from God about it - I just leapt.
Note to self: pray then leap.
Now, I'm stuck in the precarious position of having leapt into this year's schooling without the confidence that this is the best decision for our family. And now that I'm feeling burntout I think that my decision making would be unduly influenced by my exhaustion.
What to do?
The phonelines are open people...have you struggled with burnout? What did you do?
3 comments:
Hey Steph, I know how you feel, I have those days too. I am praying that God will encourage and guide you in the direction He wants you to go. Here's my 2 cents....no homeschool means no Options program...my kids love E and E way too much to not see them there every week! We need to have them over to play...I'll call you!
Also, thanks for sharing your heart! God gave us friends to lean on, lean on me, friend!
Carrie L
I've always thought that God will bless whatever direction you may go. You may have Leapt without hearing his guidance, but he will continue to bless you, keep your eyes open for his blessings. Keep praying you'll hear him, he will guide you..
--Crystal
Crystal - I'll keep my eyes opened.
Carrie - my kids would miss OPTIONS terribly. They love it, and many things about HSing. I just get tired. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.
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