Steppin' on Toes

So I thought I'd step on some toes and talk about race...

When I went to school at CU it was en vogue in some circles to say race was an artificial social construct. They said there were more genetic variances within a particular "racial" group than within humanity at large. They said there was no such thing as race.

I always thought that was kinda dumb.

My reasons were less scientific.

I wondered why little white kids, who've only grown up around other little white kids think all black kids look the same. I know I thought that all black kids looked the same, at least, until DeMarcus became my friend. Then DeMarcus looked like DeMarcus.

I was talking to a black woman who was married to a white guy at a picnic at my sisters house; she joked that all white people looked the same. Apparently, it goes both ways.

We know who's "in" and who's "out" by the shade of our skin, and the size of our butts, and the slant of our eyes. Race may be an artificial social construct, but it does matter.

I think it's confusing that it matters.

Today there are no neat little categories; probably, there never were. Here is what I mean: My friend's Ethiopian children are African, but to me, they look nothing like the West Africans I befriended in Ghana. And the African Americans who were with me in Ghana were declared "white" by the nationals there. They were too light, and too tall...which, sadly, has slavery written all over it.

Black and white aren't straight forward. Because, actually, our black president-elect is only half African. He's definitely black, but he isn't African American in the traditional sense..in the sense where he can trace his roots back to slaves. Some people would say that that's irrelevant, because in this country having dark skin and kinky hair is all it takes for people to see you differently. I might agree...but I'm not sure.

The black and white discussion is an academic one for me...because I'm the only one in my family who uses hair products for people of color...and my color is, well, I'm a white girl.

What's confusing to me is the issue what it means to be Native American. My blond haired and blue-eyed "Barbie" look-alike college roommate got a discount on tuition because she was Cherokee, and had the documentation to prove it. My husband's great-grandma was Choktaw, and my great-grandma lived on a reservation. My youngest daughter is Lakota, but it can't be documented, so she is not eligible for tribal membership. But she actually looks like a Native American. When Eddie and I went to New Mexico some Native American little girls came up to us and tried to sell us jewelery. It was creepy how very much they resembled our baby.

So is our baby Native American? Legally, nope. But, really, she is. Does it matter? I'm not sure. Will she care about her genetic heritage? I can't say. What I do know is that when I look into the face of my brown-eyed girl I see my daughter. Her eyes are brown, and her skin is darker than my own...but when I look at her all I see is the girl I love.

What do you think? Race is real, right? Or not? Does it matter? Or doesn't it?

Because this should be documented for posterity...

So it was the day after Thanksgiving and we went down to Littleton for a Christmas light parade, and leftovers at Grandpa's. Sounds harmless, fun even. Well, someone got the time of the parade wrong by an hour and a half. So, mostly we stood around in the cold for an hour with four kids plus assorted cousins. Never did make it to the parade.

My five and six year old had to pee while we were waiting for the much-talked-of-never-seen parade. So we searched out a port-a-potty. My six year old was disgusted by the port-a-potty and after much drama and tears used the potty, even though the seat was chilly.

Next, it was the five year old's turn. I toss him in the port-a-potty and shut the door. And then I remember...the kid's still wearing his mittens. This could be a problem. Quickly, I open the door and offer to hold the mittens. Unfortunately, I was too late. My son said, "No, it's all right Mom, I just put them in this holder." What holder? Ah, that would be the urinal (aka mitten bowl).

Pisser!

Exactly.

The leftovers were good though...

There is a moral to this story, an important one, at that. ALWAYS, ALWAYS hold your five year olds mittens for him while he pees in the port-a-potty. Don't say I never told you...

November: a photo documentary

M and me

This was my baby...how is it that he is so big?

kids.

Ahh...the photography of a 5 year old...something to behold...here is me making hot cocoa

Baby and me

He's sexy when he throws stuff...

Remember November

The kids built a candyland from trick-or-treat loot...before, I, in a fit of motherly concern for their health pitched it.

I only had baby carrots so our snowman has a cucumber nose.

Baby is not convinced snow is fun...

Maybe a little fun.

November in pictures

2 days after Thanksgiving we had our first real snow.

Apple slicer invented with circuit board.

Pre-snow leaf playing...M is buried under there somewhere

I found my camera in the office...it was sticky. Next time the culprit should not photograph himself in the act. When asked about this picture the said 5 year old culprit asked, "Mom, was that cute or am I in trouble?"

My Answers

Some questions on a FridayJerry Springer: Real-life guests, or staged actors? ACTORS

Organics: Worth the money, or total rip-off? Generally, a rip-off, maybe...

Twilight series: Great fiction, or over-hyped? Cannot say...as I haven't read 'em...gotta be better than the "Left Behind" series

Libraries: Useful resources, or too much trouble? I adore the library

Babysitting: Easy way to earn some cash, or equivalent to torture? Torture

High school: So much fun, or a necessary evil?EVIL!!!!!!!

Big yearly vacations: Definite musts, or costly extravagances?Vacations are necessary, but the don't necessarily have to be expensive...camp.

Regular date nights: Essential for a good marriage, or impractical and overrated? Love the idea...can't seem to pull it off...do you know how much babysitters cost?

Church: Kids worshipping with you, or in Sunday School the whole time?Sunday School - a girl needs a break from her children from time to time.

Sesame Street: Educational, or ridiculous? Ridiculous, but a good way to get a shower with toddlers in the house

.Jim and Pam: Should definitely get married, or getting married will ruin the show? Sadly, it might be ruined

.Donuts: Sugary delights, or fatty stomach-ache-inducers?Stomach ache inducers, but worth it from time to time.

Caffeine: A must in the morning, or something you avoid?I cannot imagine a life without caffine.

just showing up: Some questions on a Friday

just showing up: Some questions on a Friday

These are some fab questions my cyber friend, Briana ,posted on her blog. Someday I will actually meet her in real life...I know it. Hope your kids feeling better Briana.

running away part b

My 8 year old decided not to run away, and instead watch Spunge Bob and eat a rice crispie treat. This same child wrote a hartwarming essay on thankfulness. It went like this:

"I'm thankful for everything but Satan. I'm most thankful for the 3 "F"s: friends, family and food. "

His sister and brother, on the other hand, waxed elloquent on thankfulness for baby birds and such.

But lest you think he is my "dull" one I've got to share his latest invention. The kid actually built a string cheese and apple cutting machine with his circuit set. It worked, but he was irritated at me for making him stop slicing things. A girl can only take so much string cheese confetti being strewn about her kitchen.

These are the challenges that make me think homeschooling is an excercise in futility. They are also the things that make me wonder if any "traditional" setting would work. I give the kid a wide berth and still manage to squelch him.

Help me Jesus!

Running Away

As I type my 8 year old is making plans to running away. He's annoyed at me for making him do his best at handwriting. So he's out a here and off to the park. But don't be alarmed...he's packed. He's planning on pulling a sled with supplies. He's got a pocket knife, and a circuit board, a pail and a stuffed animal. He should be good, right? He wanted to pack a snack, but I told he'll just have to forage; I'll keep my rice crispie treats thank you very much.

I can't decide if I'm annoyed or amused.

I don't get it God!

Once, many moons ago, we were considered as potential parents for a sibling group. Two babies, in fact, needed a home. One would be 1o months old and the other would be a brand new one, straight from the hospital. We were overwhelmed at the idea of going from a family with three children to a family with five children. We prayed, and we prayed, and over the course of a few days decided that if these were the children that God had for us, then we would joyfully accept them into our home.

Ultimately, they were placed with another family. This was a good thing; it was the path that led us to our daughter. But, still, I was devastated by the loss. Which made no sense, I know it. But there it is. To this day I cannot understand why God led us through the process of opening our hearts to two children who would never be our own.

Wednesday felt a little like that. I was busy filling out enrollment papers for our kids to start school in December. When, it finally dawned on me that the one job that I'd found that would work with our families schedule (sort of) would actually cost us money by the time I paid childcare. And then I found out that the freelance job I was planning on was going to get nixed due to budget cutbacks.

We were excited about school for our kids. We'd prayed about it. We felt peace. And then the money to pay for tuition evaporated. And like that, our plans changed.

So now the plan is to continue to homeschool the kids, and squeeze our budget to hire a babysitter a couple mornings a weeks to watch the baby. Because homeschooling 3 while caring for a toddler is kinda beyond me. This feels okay. Good actually. But I don't get it. I cannot even begin to tell you the emotional energy and time I put into finding this school for the kids. It seems like such a waste.

Sometimes, more times than children's books and Disney movies let on, life doesn't make sense. The bad guy doesn't always wear a black hat, and the hero isn't always riding a white stallion. Sometimes going around in circles is the shortest distance between two points. And that make no sense to me.

But only told you about half of my Wednesday.

There is another part of the story. Scroll back to 8 AM Wednesday morning with me. Picture me with messy hair and a bathrobe helping the kids do their chores. Picture me frazzled and freaking out about how to pay for school. Right about then is when my daughter handed me a white scrap of paper off her bedroom floor. She said, "Mom, I want you to have this." Sure. Whatever. I stuffed it in the pocket of my fluffy white bathrobe. When I pulled it out to read later I discovered it was the verse my daughter had been learning at church. It read, "God is my shepherd. He gives me everything I need."

I wasn't aware that God used 6 year old couriers to deliver His messages. Apparently, He does. Because that little scrap of paper was a message from God to me. Personal, and appropriate. This is what he said,

"Chill - I know - I care - I'll take care of you. "

And at the end of the day, after tuition money evaporated, I still didn't understand. There was no "Ahh..Haaa". But somehow, in the mess of it all, God will give me everything I need. I know because he told me...via a 6 year old courier service.

cheater, cheater protein shake eater.

Here's a picture of the chillins an' me - just for fun! Yes, that is a toy gun my son is pointing at the camera. I tried to do the "no guns" thing until my 2 year old started chewing his toast in the shape of a gun.

So I picked my battles.

My boys love violence. The really, really do. I just hope they grow-up to be honorable and couragous - and just shoot the bad guys;)

Diet update: The thought of eating eggs for breakfast - again, made me want to hurl. So I made a chocolate protein shake. Dr. Atkins would not approve. But I suck at following rules. So far I've lost 2 lbs. , only 13 to go.....
Dieting stinks!

Journey to Skinny: A Chubby Girl's Story (Atkins style)

Okay...well it's more like a continuing saga. Because this chubby girl is still, well, still chubby. But now that I am properly medicated and the kids are going to school its time to do something about the pregnancy fat I gained while adopting.

My dear friend Linette has had enourmous success with a ketogenic diet. And my friend Heather is watching her carbs too. So, follower that I am, I decided to give it a shot. Truth is I'm a smidge skeptical, but desperate enough to give her a whirl anyhoo.

The idea is that you send your body into benign ketosis by severely limiting the amount of carbohydrates you consume. When your body doesn't have enough carbs to burn for fuel it has to burn fat. That's is ketosis. And I say bring it on, because I've got some fat to donate to the cause.

The down side is that you have to live on salad and meat. The upside is that, hopefully, it works. Yesterday was day 1. I missed sugar, fruit and bread. I felt a little lightheaded (like when fasting) but I'd been eating all day long. I think that's a good sign. I think.

I'll keep you posted. Has anyone out there done this before. Does it work?

Stay at Home Mom Needs Job and Shamelessly Networks

Here's the deal... I need a job. So I'm using my blog to shamelessly plug my own personal agenda.



My resume (were I to have one) might read something like this:



Objective: To develop my skills and gifting as a writer and visionary while working in an environment that allows me the flexibility to meet the needs of my family.



2000-present - Stay at Home Mom/Foster Parent/Homeschool Educator - spent the last 4 years educating elementary age children in a home environment. Developed and implemented learning strategies based on specific learner objectives. Complied with Colorado homeschool and foster care law. Coordinated care of minors with social workers, pediatricians, specialists, occupational and physical therapists, and teachers. Complementary tasks include, floor mopping, toilet scrubbing, and diaper changing. Can recite "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by memory.



References Available Upon Request: Please take into consideration, however, that these individuals are all under the age of 10 and are considerably biased because I make them eat their vegetables.



Impressed?



I thought you might be.



Seriously, though, I need a job. Before my mommy gig I worked with occupational psychologist to deliver 360 degree evaluations to professionals. I also did some instructional design, and copy writing, and a little training. I type really fast. I can edit (though I sometimes choose not to...at least on my blog). I know Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook and Publisher. I've also dabbled web page development and have a decent eye for design. I'm a quick study and can work independently. Do you know someone who's looking for a part time employee (preferably someone who's really nice and would make a great boss). I might be just the girl.

Leave a comment ...I'll be in touch.

How about a little H2O

We're doing something a little different this year. Instead of baking I'm giving water. Literally.

Usually we deliver Christmas cookies to neighbors and teachers during the Christmas season. But this year we will be handing out waterbottles and cute cards. The money we save on presents/baked goods will be donated to Water Charity.

Really, who needs the extra calories that christmas cookies bring? Not I.

But people DO need water. And many people live without clean water to drink. Unacceptable. And we can make a difference.

My sweet and artistically gifted friend Anne, of Annie Dupras Design, is making some darling labels for my water bottles. She's donating her time to the cause - GO ANNE!!!!

If you'd like to Give Water for Christmas this year let me know - leave a comment here. We might just inspire a few others to give too!

Yeah, our efforts it might be a drop in the proverbial bucket, but $20 will provide clean water to one person for a lifetime. $20 CAN CHANGE A LIFE....it could be the most important thing we do this season!

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

It seemed like a good idea at the time... It did.

A certain blue eyed bald guy is on a business trip and I didn't much feel like cooking dinner for just the kids and me. The Applebees by our house has half price appetizers at happy hour (4-6pm) so I put 2 and 2 together and decided we'd make a dinner of nachos. It'd be cheap. I wouldn't have to cook, or clean up dinner and my kids would feel like they got a special treat. Sure it's a lot of work to take four kids to dinner by yourself, but, generally speaking, my kids are exceptionally well behaved at restaurants. Generally speaking.

What I neglected to take into account is that my kids have been acting like they've been taking shots of espresso all day long. They are jazzed and spazzed. Mostly spazzed.

We spilt 2 lemonades.

My daughter took off her shoes, and my son lost one of his under the table.

E ate a jalapeno to see if it was really hot. It was. He nearly hyperventilated.

Bub SAT ON THE TABLE!

Baby had a tizzy fit because I wouldn't let her launch a plate onto the floor. So instead she opted to launch chips on the floor.

M and Bub decided to switch places and CRAWLED under the table.

E belched big and loud on account of the large amount of lemonade he inhaled trying to put out the fire in his mouth from the jalapeno.

M stuffed Baby's coat under her shirt pretending to be a fat person - loudly.

But at least our tab was only 11 bucks. Unfortunately, I felt compelled to leave an excessively large tip because of the atrocious behaviour on the part of my progeny.

And ,oh, if that had been the worst of it.

This part didn't even seem like a good idea at the time, but I did it anyway. I ordered boneless Buffalo wings. Boneless buffalo wings are breaded. Breading generally implies wheat. I know this. I did it anyway. The kids didn't like the wings, so I ate them. They were scrumptious and glutenful. I have a crazy bad stomach ache.

For the record: I am still gluten intolerant. Duh! Sometimes I think that I must be a nut job, that really gluten intolerance is really just the result of my overzealous imagination. So I test it. I eat gluten. And then I get a stomach ache, sometimes, like tonight, I get a really bad one. So if I ever get the urge to partake in glutenful foods in your presence, please, pretty please, say "buffalo wings". I'll get the hint.

Water for Christmas

This is a great idea from my friend Karen.....

Discovering My Inner Wimp

I've entered a chapter in my life I like to call, "Discovering the Inner Wimp." Come with me on this journey of self-discovery. It's psychobabble curlyjo style.

So my M.O. thus far in life has been to deny feeling of insecurity, or fear, and act as if I am confident and unafraid. Generally, it serves me well. It keeps me from acting like a coward when otherwise I might. But in attempt to live authentically I am going to set aside my former ways.

I remember once as a child I overheard my grandpa say that I was the most shy child of all the sisters. I was outraged. "I am not shy", I thought. But years later I have discovered that, actually, I kinda am. I am discovering my inner wimp. It's why I blog instead of give speeches at Toast Masters.

So after all these years of repressing my inner wimp, why do I find this need confront my fears and insecurities head on. Well, oddly, it has a lot to do with choosing to put my kids in school. If we are going afford private school tuition then I am going to have to work, at least part time. I don't mind that; I'm looking forward to new challenges and change. But I am also completely and totally intimidated.

Over the last few years I have developed an expertise in homeschooling. I know curriculum. I know learning styles. I've read books, and gone to conferences. Homeschooling is safe for me. I know what I'm doing and I can do it in the privacy of my own home.

Now I have an opportunity to do some freelance instructional design and copy writing, possibly some training. I know I can do it. I am naturally wired to be a teacher, and writing is something I feel comfortable doing. This doesn't make me nervous. What makes me nervous is being seen. People (who are paying me) will read what I write. I will have to stand in front of adults and present new concepts and material. They might see the nervous 12 year old girl I feel like instead of the 30 something professional woman I am. And that is downright scary.

I am petrified! And kinda shy!

I feel like Moses sans long white beard, toga and staff. Moses was the man God chose to lead the Israelite Nation out of slavery in Egypt. But Moses didn't want to do it. He said he stuttered when he spoke, and couldn't possibly lead so many people. But eventually Moses did grow into the man who he was supposed to be. He led God's people to freedom.

But I understand the insecurity, and the desire to stay out of the spotlight.

Before Moses "Lead the Nation" gig, he was a shepherd. He'd done it for a long time, and it was comfortable. Safe. Confronting the Pharaoh of a powerful nation? Not so safe. And though I'm just talking about moving out of the safety of my little homeschool life, I feel like I'm doing the same thing. I'm moving from safety to risk, and in the process exposing my inner wimp.

Only this time it will be different. I will acknowledge my fear, and my feelings of insecurity. I will invite Jesus to tea with my inner wimp, and formally introduce the two. I will allow Christ to transform the fearful, childlike person inside and become the woman he has made me to be.

American Girl

So I was considering getting my daughter an American Girl Doll for Christmas. But there kinda cultish. Cultish and expensive. Frugal girl that I am, I decided to do my research and see if one of these cult dolls could be purchased online for a deep discount. I'm having minimal luck. But I did run across this crass, not tasteful, and funny blog post. It's amusing - but remember you've been warned.

http://www.gapersblock.com/detour/american_girls_gone_wild/

Just Because...

Neurotics build castles in the sky. Psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. -Rita Rudner

Confessions of a Homeschool Dropout (almost)

If you've been following my blog you know that 6 weeks ago or so I "hit a wall". I woke up one morning and said "I CANNOT DO THIS." And by "this" I meant homeschool my children. So, we declared a state of emergency, and took a break. We discovered my depression had snuck up on me again and I got proper treatment.

Both Eddie and I thought that we should delay any decision about our children's schooling until I got my depression under control. I felt that any decision I made would be a reaction to depression and not necessarily what was best for our family. Secretly, I thought once my depression was treated I'd choose to homeschool my kids. After all, I have loved homeschooling and it's been such a good thing for our family.

BUT...

I was wrong

Before I began this school year I was in a tizzy about being able to meet the needs of all my children. Homeschooling 3 with a toddler in tow, had me in a genuine panic. I dismissed this concern, because lots of people do it. Surely, I could too.

Well, ah, not so much.

We have some sweet moments, but I am exhausting myself AND not meeting the needs of my children. My son is lonely, my daughter needs more structure, Bub needs a mom who is more available. I don't want to miss out on my baby's toddlerhood because I'm scrambling to fit in a spelling test. I need help.

So we checked into some schools and discovered a fabulous option. It's a private Christian School, and the more we check into it, the more we get to know the teachers and culture, the more I love this as an option for my kids. I feels such peace about partnering with this school to educate my kids. And so...I am about to join the ranks of the homeschool dropouts.

It's strange though. I have loved homeschooling. I will miss it. My kids will miss it. Yet I know that this is a season that is passing in our lives.

I know that sending my kids to private Christian school doesn't sound like risky business. But for us it's definately a faith walk. It's expensive, and doesn't make much sense financially. Eddie calculated just how much it would cost to put 4 kids through private school. The grand total is astounding. We could buy a house with the money we will spend on tuition. And, while we have some answers for the short term, we don't know how we're going to do it.

My kids really really want to be homeschooled. They are feeling angry and sad, and nervous. I don't blame them. I feel those things too. But I know...I know... this is what we need to do.

Mobile Church

This is a picture worth seeing. Please Click. Please. Please. If you want to "get" the post you have to see this copyrighted image.

Reverand Branford Clark had a revolutionary idea. He took his chapel on the road, complete with a fold down steeple (so the port-a-church would fit in his garage - naturally). Apparently, in 1923 one could not do church sans steeple.

Ninetyish years later, my post-modern self cannot fathom why converting ones automobile into a pimped out ride for Jesus is a good idea. Maybe you had to be there...or maybe good ol' Rev. Clark was a nut case. Who can say?

Coincidentally, Clark and I have something in common. We both attend mobile churches. Today, Mobile Church is just code talk for super broke church. We cannot afford a building so we lease space in an middle school once a week. Our church "stuff" (i.e. sound system and baby toys for the nursery) is in storage most of the time. It gets hauled out in a gigantic white trailer every every week for a couple hours, and then, back into storage it goes. It's cheap; it's also a hassle.

Here are my thoughts on this issue of mobile church:

A) People are stingy. We, as Americans, living in a relatively affluent suburb should be able to afford to lease a permanent space. I can appreciate the need to keep overhead low - and truly, I appreciate our church's decision makers commitment to good financial stewardship. But still - if people were generous we could easily afford permanent space. We're stingy...and here's the hard part to swallow: where we spend our money is a pretty good indication of our values. If churches all over America are going broke (and they are) then we don't have a money problem, we have a faith problem.

B) I wonder if 100 years from now people will look at a picture of our gigantor white trailer parked outside of the middle school and think, "That's crazy. They missed the point of church ." Because that's what I thought what I saw 'ol Clark and his Model T. Those people, you know the ones who live in the future, will be half right about us and our white trailer. Sound equipment, LCD projectors, and washable baby toys are not the point of church. But they are the tools we use to reach our culture for Christ. They aren't a fold down steeple, but hey, it's what we've got.

But still...I wonder sometimes if all the stuff is superlative - unessential - a distraction from the Holy God and the people whom He made.

I wonder if, as our culture shifts more and more away from the Judeo-Christian roots of our past, the church in America will evolve into a more decentralized, organic community. Maybe pastors will be lay people. Maybe overhead will be eliminated almost entirely. Maybe we'll meet in each other's homes and their will be an underground movement engaged in Kingdom work. And maybe it'll be a good thing...