Don't break my heart

I wonder if it's possible to say a prayer, over and over again and not mean a word of it. I think it might be. I'm pretty sure it is.

I've been praying, "God break my heart for the city. Give me eyes to see what you see and a heart that breaks for the things that break your heart. Help me to be able to handle what I see."

But I really, really don't want a broken heart.

A broken heart has always predicated surrender and obedience in my life.

A broken heart has always led me to the place where I say, "Not my will, but yours be done."And next thing I know I'm off to Africa...literally.

If I pray, "God break my heart for the city" I'm afraid that I'll end up a foster parent - or adopting a sibling group from Sierra Leone - or giving up my comfortable suburban life for a duplex in the inner city. It'll be messy, and costly I guarantee it.

Back in the days when I went to Baptist Summer Camp we would end each evening at with "chapel". Every night at chapel there would be an alter call. We would sing the old hymn, " I surrender all, all to thee my precious Savior, I surrender all. " Over - And Over - And Over - And Over....until the prescribed number of campers came forward to "rededicate their lives to Jesus".

One of the guys from our church (Kurt Owens you were a hero) finally discovered that if you went forward to "rededicate" you could get out before the rest of the kids and be first to buy candy from the snack canteen. I think that that year there were an unprecedented number of kids who "rededicated their lives to Jesus". Coincidentally, they happened to be the same kids who got all the grape pop before they ran out at the canteen.

Anyway, while praying my obligatory "break my heart for the city" prayer the words to that old camp hymn came back to me.

I surrender all
All to thee my Precious Savior
I surrender all.

But the version I've been singing these days goes differently,

I surrender most,
Most to thee my Precious Savior,
as long as it doesn't cost too much"

It loses something doesn't it? Okay everything. If Jesus can't have my whole heart it doesn't really count.

The thing is brokenness and surrender go hand in hand.

Brokenness, surrender and obedience are an inseparable trio.

So if I pray for brokenness, I've got to surrender. And if I'm surrendered I've got to obey.

And in the Great Paradox I think this might be the only way to life. This death to myself, and to my dreams is the only way I can be part of a greater dream and a greater plan. It's life, this little death and it begins with brokenness.

So Lord,

I surrender all,
All to thee my Precious Savior
I surrender all

Break my heart for the city...And just so you know I'll follow you even if it means we adopt 15 kids from Sierra Leone and live in a cardboard box in Timbuktu.