home birth

My very pregnant friend Dawn, is no longer. Pregnant, I mean. Now, she's very sleep deprived and the mother of 4. The newest is about 26 hours old, and a whopping 9lbs. 8 oz.

Welcome to planet Earth, Eli; I hope you enjoy your stay.

I've had the privledge of being a part of several births, but this was my first experience with a homebirth. It was very sweet. Dawn had 2 midwives and a doula. Both were grandma's and one had brought more than 400 babies into the world. They treated birth not as a medical proceedure, but an important event in the life of a family. They honored the process of birth and really treated Dawn with dignity.

When baby Eli made his appearance, Judy, the midwife in her late 60's exclaimed, "Praise God". Baby Eli was immediately placed on his mama's chest to snuggle. It was a joyful, peaceful birthday.

I was so happy for Dawn, and Cam, and the kids. Eli is a treasure, and their family has been blessed.

But it makes me a little sad to think of how Baby's birthday went. I wasn't there; I missed it. And baby was born into chaos, without a anyone to belong to. The nurses at the hospital snuggled and cared for Baby very well, but Baby was essentially in protective custody. She belonged to no one. 2 days into her life we came for her, and we treasure her like the gift that she is. But those 2 day were lost (not very long by orphan standards) were lost.

Random note:

Do not ask a woman in the grocery store with more than 2 kids, "Are those all yours?" Do not comment, "Wow! You've got your hands full." (She is aware; I promise). While it might be novel for you to see a woman with 4 or 5 or 6 kids (0r more) it is not novel to her. It is her life, and trust me, she's heard it before.

Also, please do not make comments like, "I could never do that." Because if it came down to it, you could. And the unspoken message that she is hearing is, "You're crazy for wanting that many kids, and I don't respect you, or your choice." It shouldn't be hurtful, but it is. And at the very least it is annoying.

And while I'm at it. Please refrain from asking a woman with a child who looks different from her if the child is "her's". Don't ask if they were adopted? And for God's sake don't ask about her children's real mom (you're looking at her). Frankly, it's none of your business, and she's tired of hearing it. She doesn't want your commentary on adoption. And she probably doesn't want to hear about your sister-in-law who considered adoption once.

These are her children. This is her life. Back off.

Of course this isn't the case if you are genuinely interested in large families, or adoption, and if you are her friend or aquaintence. In which case, this woman would be delighted to talk to you. Her family is one of her great passions, and she'd be happy to talk with you about it. But be warned she can detect any hint of disdain, or contempt.

Don't ask me how I know.