xy chromosomes

I had sisters.

I don't know much about boys - other than I am suposedly qualified to parent them.

Our oldest is 7 going on 17. He's an old soul, and he understands life on a level I wouldn't expect from a kid his age. Right now he's in this weird 7 year old kid meets adolecence stage. He's angry; he's questioning; he's sleeping in late; he's craving independence. If there are any remaining apron strings he wants them cut. For good. Immediately. He could conquer the world if his dumb mom wasn't standing in the way.

So after praying about this teenage behavior coming from a second grader this is what we've come up with. If it's independence and responsibility he craves then that's what he's gonna get.

So I'm letting him cook more.

His peice de resistance is a mayo, ketchup, mustard quesidilla - I cannot tell you how hard it was to keep my mouth shut while I watched him whip up his masterpeice. He's been using the microwave for awhile now, but I'm starting to let him use the stovetop. I go hyperventilate in the bathroom while he makes us old fashioned oats for breakfast.

Also, we've taught him to use the extra cell phone, and extended the boundaries for his bike riding. A three block radius is his domain. And now we've allowed him to go to the park at the end of the street without an adult...if he takes the phone and his buddy across the street.

Lastly, I've just been giving him a list of to-do's at the beginning of the day. He's got to have his chores and school done before he can play with his friends or watch TV. If he doesn't meet his deadline the penalty is stiff. To my astonishment he's done really well and shown a lot of personal discipline.

Since we've allowed him more freedom and flexibility he has been more cooperative, and worked harder. I'm discovering that boys need to be challenged;they need to be pushed to the very edge of what they can do. The need see if they measure up in the world. They do not appreciate their mothers hovering over them. My son wants to be told to "Be a Man" and "suck it up". He wants to conquer. He wants to protect. He wants danger and adventure.

True story. E went to the park to shoot some hoops with Cross-The-Street-Buddy and Next-Block-Over-Dude. They encountertered Foul-Mouthed-Punk-Kid, who knocked E on his butt and cussed out Next-Block-Over-Dude. Next-Block-Over-Dude challenged Foul-Mouthed-Punk-Kid to a bike race. The deal was that if Next-Block-Over-Dude beat Foul-Mouthed-Punk-Kid then, Punk-Kid would leave the other boys alone. Next-Block-Over won and was thus elevated to hero status.

A few minutes later the 3 boys encountered Adolecent-Basketball-Nazis who ran them off the basketball court - claiming it was their turf. Hello this is suburbia, we do not live in the 'hood - there is no "turf".

These are exactly the kind of experiences that make me want to never ever let my children out of my sight.

E was stoked. He thought it was great. Came in gave me a huge hug and rehashed the whole deal in detail. I think he was a bit naive. But he loved the danger of the whole thing. It was real life good guys / bad guys.

My boys will grow up to be men. And I don't want them to be pansies. I want them to be men of faith, and courage and integrity. Eddie and I need to call them to it, and its scary to let my 7 year old be a man. Maybe this is a little bit of my Dangerous Surrender.