Baby News

Today I heard from Baby's social worker. Things are not going as smoothly as I was beginning to hope. There is the small issue of paternity to nail down. And as usual, there will be hoops to jump through and waiting, always waiting. Its really nothing worth worrying about yet. I don't know anything and I won't for at least a month. We'll just pray; and entrust our baby girl into His care.

This is the part in the fost-adopt saga where I learn to love with open hands. Actually its a good lesson to learn. Our children are not our own, and they could be taken from us at a moments notice - we are not immune from tragedy. Somehow we've got to live in the moment, and love the ones we have right now. I heard someone say once that when you become a mother your heart walks around outside your body. And its true. We are vulnerable to breath-taking pain, but we love anyway. To do otherwise would be to miss out on life's biggest gifts. If we had chosen another path I would have missed out on holding Baby today. I would have missed her chuckles when I bumped her nose to mine. I would have missed how she snuggles into me when I pick her up. She is so worth loving.

I was reading Acts today, and read about Paul going on one of his missionary journeys. On this particular occasion Paul starts heading to Asia, but is prevented (by the Spirit of God) from talking about Jesus. Immediately after that he's prevented from going into some city, again by God's Spirit. If I were Paul I would have been saying, "What's up with this God? I'm on this missionary journey, hoofing it all over the place, and you stop me. I thought this is what you wanted me to do. I thought this was my calling. Now you're slamming doors left and right. I don't get it." From the vantage point that a couple thousand years offers I see that Paul was exactly where he was supposed to be. God did use him - wildly, powerfully. But from where Paul stood the view was different. It was a faith walk.

I'm putting my faith in the fact that somehow there is a bigger picture I'm missing. I love a God who sees how the pieces fit together. He is not far off. And though he doesn't promise a "happily ever after" he does walk with me.