Obiturary

It is with much relief (ah...I mean grief) that I'm announcing the untimely demise of one, Jared Michael Wood. Though he was with our family for only a short time (less than 24 hours) he will be missed, particularly by the children in our family. Jared lived in our basement until yesterday when captured by my children. He then set up residence in a glass jar with an aluminium foil lid. He leaves behind 3 lonely kids who will have to find something else to do with their time now that they have no reason to go around catching flies for Jared's dinner. Jared was brown, and enormous and ugly with 8 legs. He's in a better place now....a place where he doesn't have to be jostled around in a glass jar and fed pole beans, and where he doesn't have to listen some lady say, "get Jared away from me...Jared, is not welcome on my kitchen counter....Jared, cannot eat dinner with us."