Baby News

Today I heard from Baby's social worker. Things are not going as smoothly as I was beginning to hope. There is the small issue of paternity to nail down. And as usual, there will be hoops to jump through and waiting, always waiting. Its really nothing worth worrying about yet. I don't know anything and I won't for at least a month. We'll just pray; and entrust our baby girl into His care.

This is the part in the fost-adopt saga where I learn to love with open hands. Actually its a good lesson to learn. Our children are not our own, and they could be taken from us at a moments notice - we are not immune from tragedy. Somehow we've got to live in the moment, and love the ones we have right now. I heard someone say once that when you become a mother your heart walks around outside your body. And its true. We are vulnerable to breath-taking pain, but we love anyway. To do otherwise would be to miss out on life's biggest gifts. If we had chosen another path I would have missed out on holding Baby today. I would have missed her chuckles when I bumped her nose to mine. I would have missed how she snuggles into me when I pick her up. She is so worth loving.

I was reading Acts today, and read about Paul going on one of his missionary journeys. On this particular occasion Paul starts heading to Asia, but is prevented (by the Spirit of God) from talking about Jesus. Immediately after that he's prevented from going into some city, again by God's Spirit. If I were Paul I would have been saying, "What's up with this God? I'm on this missionary journey, hoofing it all over the place, and you stop me. I thought this is what you wanted me to do. I thought this was my calling. Now you're slamming doors left and right. I don't get it." From the vantage point that a couple thousand years offers I see that Paul was exactly where he was supposed to be. God did use him - wildly, powerfully. But from where Paul stood the view was different. It was a faith walk.

I'm putting my faith in the fact that somehow there is a bigger picture I'm missing. I love a God who sees how the pieces fit together. He is not far off. And though he doesn't promise a "happily ever after" he does walk with me.

Parenting Imperfect Kids

As a kid, I remember my mom working with my baby sister on her spelling words. They would go round and round, and despite my mom's best efforts my sister still did poorly on her spelling tests.

Fast forward 20 years....My sister is a wonderful, dynamic woman with an absolute gift for working with children AND she is quite possibly the most atrocious speller I've ever encountered. (Sorry Gretch, but we all know its true).

Here is my point: I've noticed some areas of weakness in my kids. Maybe its a paticular attitude, or a tendency towards a particular sin, or an area where they struggle academically. Experience tells me that my kids are probably not going to outgrow their weaknesses. My sister is still a crummy speller, and even though I managed to pass college algebra, I still don't know my times tables. I still struggle with laziness and insecurity. And though I've learned some good coping skills, I am still a little ditzy and distractable. BUT ultimately we turned out okay; better than okay. We are bright, capable women. My sister isn't in some Bad Speller Rehab, and I just use a calculator.

Maybe I need to lighten up. Maybe I need to give my kid coping skills to work around their weaknesses, instead of spending so much effort trying to "fix" them. Then I'd have more time to help them develop the areas that God has gifted them in and, frankly, just enjoy their company.

For example, my daughter throws tremendous, ridiculous, unmanagable hissy fits when she gets tired. My time is probably better spent teaching her to recognize when she's tired and cranky than disciplining her for lack of self-control, and disrespect mid temper tantrum.

BOTTOM LINE:
Bad handwriting ......teach 'em to type.
Not a morning person.....get a good alarm clock, and give them homework at night.
Poor speller...hey, we live in the age of SpellCheck. Aproximation is good enough.
Lazy... it's all in how you frame it; I pefer to call it "laid back", and teach efficiency.

Hyperbole and my Husband's Rebuttal

I admit it, my entry about George Bush and My Father's Dragon was a bit hyperbolized. I don't actually believe that if we all just sat down and really listened to each other all would be well, and terrorist attacks would be a thing of the past. I was just trying to make a point that as Westerners we have a tendency to forget there is a whole other world out there that doesn't see things from our perspective. Sometimes our lack of understanding leads to gross miscalculation.

My husband is a staunch Republican and, admittidly, better informed than I am on current events and politics. He sent me these links ("to read at my leasure"):

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/

http://www.bennettmornings.com/

I get the feeling he disagrees with me ...

I haven't actually dug into these resources but I did quickly click. ONe of the sites was selling hats saying, "America: the world's last best hope." Honestly, I don't disagree, but from a strictly fashion stand point these are a major faux pas.

Its hard to be too critical of a country that where I live in comfort and freedom. I am afforded affluence most of the rest of the world will never see. I have choices that many would never dream of.

Messy Business

Homeschool is messy business. There is really no getting around it. Well I suppose that I could obsess about tidiness, but I've tried that and it doesn't work. I just spend all my time following around my kids picking up the trail of stuff they leave. It drives both them and me nutty.

So it gets messy, and my kids learn. The actual reading, writing, 'rithmatic part of school is relatively neat. But I'd say that is where a small portion of the meaningful learning happens. For example, I made M flash cards with "sight words" (e.g. the, and, to, I etc.). She's doing really well, and in a couple of weeks she's learned close to 30 words. So the other day I got out M's sight words, but she said, "No mom, today I'm going to teach you." She ran downstairs and got a hand ful of oddly shaped green construction paper cards with words she'd written on them. In her free time she made her OWN sight word cards (spelled perfectly) and she quizzed me. She also left a whole bunch of little green construction paper scraps all over the playroom floor. But I know M has really learned when she teaches back to me, and that is worth a little bit of green paper scattered on my floor.

I mentioned in my last entry that we are reading a book called MyFather's Dragon. Yesterday the boy in the story encountered an angry rhino. Guess what Bub was pretending to be today. Yep. He was pretending to be a rhino on a shape hunt. It always surprises me how the kids incorporate what we are learning during our official school time into their creative play. And I think that it is during their creative play that the internalize what they are learning. It becomes theirs and they learn it forever. Unfortunately, its messy! My 3 year old rhino/boy also got out all the shape books in the house and spread them out all over his sisters' room.

Just because my house gets a little messy does not mean I'm a bad mom, or even a poor housekeeper. It just means I'm a good teacher.

My Father's Dragon Meets George Bush and other Thoughts on Post-Colonial America

The kids and I are reading a Newberry Award book called "My Father's Dragon". It's a fun nonsensical adventure story about a boy who "invades" a wild jungle island to rescue a mistreated dragon. Along the way the boy invents clever ways to evade and charm wild animals who intend to eat him. He does crazy stuff like giving the tigers bubble gum.

There is a lesson that George Bush could take from this little boy. The boy understands the animals he encounters. He listens, then, to the extent that he is able, he gives the animals what they want. He neutralizes the animosity.

I like our cowboy president, and I can appreciate his "six-shooter" approach to international politics. It's certainly strait forward, and noble in intent. It also doesn't seem to be working all that well. I think the problem is that we do not understand the "animals" we meet. They do not see us as rescuers of the "oppressed dragon". We are the invaders.

"But we are trying to free the world of terror and evil dictators.", you say. "Can't they see that we have their best interests at heart?"

NOPE. Here's why: Our history proceeds us. Remember "Manifest Destiny". We actually believed that we were entitled to other peoples land and it was okay to steamroll people in our path. Remember how we mistreated the Native People of this land, how we lied and stole. Remember colonization. Remember slavery. Yes, I know that was primarily the Dutch and British and Spanish. But to the rest of the world we sort of look the same. White skin, cocky attitude, yada yada yada. Remember the Crusades? It was a long time ago, I know. But the world hasn't forgotten what we did in the name of Christ. My point is: We have a lousy and well deserved reputation.

Yes, we have used our power and influence for good. We have been generous, and noble. But frankly, that is not what the world remembers when they think of Americans. They still see us through the lens of colonialism.

I haven't the foggiest idea how to resolve the problem of a power vacuum in Iraq. I really do not understand the complexities of a culture with tribal discord. Fundamentalist Islamic factions do pose a real threats for which I don't have a solution. But I think that it begins with listening, and listening hard? Do we really understand the "animals" in our path, do we understand that to them we ARE an invader? Do we "get" that our reputation is shot?

As a parent I've noticed that, as the person in power, I can manipulate my children's behavior for a time. I can threaten, and spank. I can take away privileges, and give time-outs. And that stuff works for a little while. But as my kids approach adolescence my power will dwindle. What will matter then is whether I have captured their hearts and won their respect. My influence then will depend on my ability now to love them, to earn their respect, and their trust. For a time I can manipulate behavior, but any lasting influence I have will be because I have captured their heart.

I know it is a stretch to apply my parenting philosophy to international politics. But I'll do it anyway. Heart matters more. Respect and compassion are really the big guns. And somehow we've missed that.

Update

The courts are proceeding with no treatment plan for Baby's birth mother and birth father. Hopefully, she will be legally free for adoption before Christmas. Then, if all goes as plan we'll finalize her adoption early next year. Baby will be issued a new birthcertificate, and her name will match the rest of our family's.

A name matters. It does. I took for granted that my bio children would share my last name. And I am anxious for Baby to have our name too. It's not that I want to deny the fact that she was brought to our family through adoption. But there is a sense of belonging that comes in a name. And she's our precious girl.

My New Do

I chopped my hair! Well, actually, my friend Kathy did. I've wanted my hair shorter for awhile, but I was afraid I'd look like a q-tip - curly hair and all. Finally, I'd had enough. Baby kept grabbing handfuls of it and I was tired of the same ol' same ol'. So here it is.

Hubby is in mourning for my lost locks, but he'll get over it. He does this wheneverI cut my hair. What is the deal with guys and long hair?

A Stroke of Brilliance and Video Game Update

Our rules for the x-box are not original to us. We stole them from the Collins family, and they work great. Rules are as follows: 1) you may only play on weekends 2) you have a 2 hour time limit 3) if you are a pain about these rules then x-box privleges will be taken away. Brilliant! E knows when he can play and when he can't. He enjoys playing, improves his motor skills and does not get obsessed with gaming.

Another note on moderation and critical thinking: My kids like to watch the TV show called Arthur (based on the books). I don't like it because the kids on the show talk snotty and are mean to each other. I told my kids they cannot watch Arthur anymore because they had begun to talk snotty to each other.

Today my kids asked nicely to watch Arthur, and this was my compromise: They could watch Arthur, but they had to keep a running tally of mean things that were said on 3x5 cards. The show is half way over and the 3x5 cards are filling up fast. After the show is over my 2 older kids owe me sentences explaining mean things that the kids on Arthrur said.

Later we get to have a conversation about how easy it is to get desensitized to evil, and how words can be used to hurt or heal. In theory this seems like a brilliant parenting tactic; we'll see how it goes in practice.

Kindergarten Spelling

E is a Kindergartener. She is just learning to write, spell and read. Here is her grocery list (I'll translate)

Apls (apples)
Brqkle (broccolli)
Bnanus (bananas)

I think we have a future spelling bee winner on our hands! Gotta love that kindergarten spelling.

Family Day

This summer has been about survival. Well that is not totally true, maybe its been about Blessings Management...anyway its been busy.

Baby came home this spring and we struggled to get her eating coordinated. Then there was the stint at Children's for Baby's blood infection and the ongoing tests. Next were the weeks of fussiness and inability to sleep. Now things have settled down. We finally figured out Baby has acid reflux, she's properly medicated and OH SO SWEET. She puts herself to sleep, talks and giggles and so low maintence I hardly know what to do with myself. She is DELIGHTFUL!

E's OT is wrapping up this week too. No more scrambling to get babysitters!

Landscaping is nearly done, too. Once we got sod in we decided to take a break and wait to put in the flagstone patio. Have I mentioned landscaping is mostly digging, and digging and digging. Move some rock, plant a flower, dig, dig, dig. Not so fun.

I have nothing to complain about really. We have a baby. We have access to OT. We have a house to landscape. These are blessings. But somehow we've had less family time than usual and my kids were missing it. So was I.

Yesterday, Labor Day, we went up past Nederland, ate a yummy picnic courtesey of Boston Market, went on a hike, did a short 4x4 trail, and visited a hippy crystal/mineral/science store in Nederland. There were geodes and E was in nerdy science guy heaven. My kids were SO impressed with the 4x4 trail, and the hike was beautiful. We live in such a beautiful state, and I had so much fun with my family. It was good!