If you have no idea what the title is about you need to read the previous post. Therein lies the context.
Alas, we had to foreclose on my son - and what's worse, he seems relatively unaffected. I thought my idea was brilliant (actually I still think its pretty good), but I'm not sure that my brilliant parenting will have any lasting results. Sorta sucks, frankly. I'd like to know that my shining moments make a difference. Oh well - we still have 11.5 years before he leaves home - there is still hope.
2 comments:
Hi Steph,
This is your cousin Shelley. I've read all your blogs (in one sitting)and I have to say, you've impressed me. I don't know how you do it---must be the grace of God. I've enjoyed your little anecdotes. That was very creative giving Ethan a choice of buying on time or paying you back. You're right--kids (and adults) learn best from natural consequences. You do sound like a wonderful Mom. Congratulations on the newest addition to the family. Your heart's in the right place even if your finances aren't.:) You've definitely got some guts (in the Army they'd say intestinal fortitude) to go through the adoption process and add another child to your home. Kudos for even considering adopting the siblings.
I've wondered what it would be like to have a sister. Did you know that my parents put in their will that if they died, they wanted me and Alan to live with you guys? If things were different, we could have grown up as sisters. Your parents were willing to take in orphans. This is especially impressive as they had already seen my willful, major brat personality. I think your dad and I definitely would have clashed heads, but I also think I would have learned a lot about life from him. By the way, I'm sorry for tying you guys to the swingset and all the other childhood tortures. I think I had a bit of a sociopathic bent as a child. I didn't realize the impact of my behavior on other people, nor did I particularly care. This was not from lack of proper parental guidance; I just chose not to follow the rules. Thank God I grew some empathy and compassion or I could have been a real monster.
I've also wondered what it would be like to have children. Ironically, before my hysterectomy I didn't want children. I thought they would seriously cramp my lifestyle. I also had fears that I wouldn't be a good mother. Now that I can't have kids, I want them. I see now that I have really missed out on a tremendous joy and blessing. I don't think adoption is an option for me because of my criminal record. I have experienced many painful consequences (and am still experiencing them) to my bad decisions. I want nothing more than to redeem myself. I would like to have a real LIFE complete with a husband, family, pets, a real job and a real house. Things are going great with Marty, but I don't know if we'll ever get married. Like most people I know, he got badly burned by his ex-wife and doesn't know if he's up to attempting marriage again.
This is a rather long post (I have a talent for stating the obvious). However, I don't get to talk to you very much. I still think I qualify as a Baptist even though I don't follow all the rules and believe everything the hard core Baptists do. For example, I don't think drinking, going to movies, or dancing is a sin. They routinely drank wine in the Bible and David danced before the Lord. I'm not an advocate of dirty dancing. I've got to go; Grandma's got dinner ready. I'll look forward to future blogs from you. I don't know if you can respond to this posting or not, but if that fails write me at surfwavesswell@yahoo.com. Later gator.
Hey Shelley - Thanks for posting your comments. It's been so fun to hear from people. And like you say, we rarely get to talk. Keep posting. I love hearing from you - actually you should blog too. You'd be good at it. Glad things are going well for you and I hope your dreams for family/pet/job etc. come true.
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