Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A new season

So Monday was weird. It snowed a ton in the morning (probably 6 inches) and by the afternoon it had all melted away to reveal the green grass below. Metaphorically speaking, my life feels like that.

The season is changing. Quickly.

I've been a stay at home mom for 7 years now. I've been homeschooling for 4 of them. Honestly, it's been a difficult season for me. I do postpartum depression like a champ. Homeschooling and adoption have added layers of complexity. It has been a good, rich time, though all in all.

But here's the truth: I make a crappy stay-at-home mom. I'm a terrible organizer. I cannot balance a checkbook, and I don't even really like babies. (I like my babies, just not other peoples.) I do like to cook, and I like my house to be clean. I just don't like cleaning. I hate playing cars or Lego's, and doing crafts that involve Popsicle sticks makes me grumpy. I flunked out of MOPS - I hated all those little crafty things they made you do. Something about the whole nicety-niceness of the whole deal made me want to do something shockingly inappropriate just to get a reaction.

Homeschooling was good because I do like to teach, and I like reading. Learning with my kids was fun. But frankly, I was really bad at multi-tasking. It's hard to keep track of baby while simultaneously teaching a 5, 6 and 8 year old.

So the big kids are in school. AND IT IS GOOD. The littlest 2 are at home with me...and I'm actually kinda bored. - So is Bub - the kid NEEDS to go to Kindergarten.

So next year I'm going back to work. I'll be teaching at the kids' school. It works great, because they can always get to me if they need me, and I have the same schedule that they do. I'm thrilled. It's a new challenge. It allows me to still be a mom. I get to do something I love. I get paid...it makes the kids' private school tuition do-able.

But it does present some challenges. Like...sick days...and childcare...and laundry. Mostly, what do I do with the 2 year old we've been blessed with? Did this kid get the short end of the stick because she joined us last - the others never did daycare. I need to work to make school do-able financially. I want to work - to keep me sane and challenged.

Okay I'm done thinking about it...if you've got any ideas send em in.

1 comment:

dena said...

okay, i have no idea how i got to your blog. oh, yes, i do...hopefullyandanxiously..a comment you left. my middle name is jo, so your name caught my eye.


sounds like you're a reflective and prayerful gal. this is good.

i have read some of your more recent posts and it sounds like your littlest is a handful. my 5 year old (adoptive from foster care) is a handful. this year he went to pre-k and it was SO positive for him and me for him to receive direction from someone other than us. i know 2 is different than 5, but when he started the school year, we hadn't had him quite 2 years and the extra resource was welcomed!!!

all this to say, every child and every circumstance is different. where your others may have flourished at home. this little chicklet might flourish in childcare. short end of the stick, raw end of the deal, short changed, whatever phrase you used. naw. God has her best in mind and will provide for her.

you know, as we seek, God forms the desire of our hearts and He's obviously placed the desire for change in you. It will be neat to see how He uses the new circumstances for you, for her, for the other members of the fam, and for those you'll impact. i'm sure it'll be a change and will take effort to transition, but i love your excitement about the possibilities!