The Journey

There are 2 babies out there who need a family. We could be that family...maybe. Our social worker gave us the option of being considered. That's a couple steps away from a sure bet, but still my heart is getting tangled up in the possibility. Time is running out, and for all intents and purposes we may have missed the opportunity to parent these babies. They may have been placed with another family.

Hubby and I promised each other that we would be on the same page, and that we would wait to hear from God about this before we pursue a referral. So far, Hubby isn't sure we should move forward. Truly, I don't want to manipulate my husband or force a situation that isn't not best for us or the babies.

However, today I read that loosing a referral in adoption feels like a miscarriage;you grieve the loss of loving the children you never got to hold. I think this will be true for me. I'll be sad if they don't become ours. Just today I said, "I have peace about whatever happens." That's true and I'm not sure how that is compatible with the loss I'll feel, but it is. I'll be okay, and I'll be sad. I know its crazy.

I'm an over-achiever when it comes to pro/con charts. We do a pro/con matrix on Excel when we have a decision to make. I'm not joking, we make spreadsheets and program formulas. My matrix and spreadsheet approach is useless when it comes to this. If we make a decision based on purely temporal factors this is the dumbest idea ever, yet we are storing up treasures in heaven. I haven't figured out how to represent that on a chart yet. How do you measure the God factor, or the heart factor, or the family factor?

Adoption: Where the Rubber Meets the Road

Yesterday I talked with our social worker. There is a ten month old baby girl coming into care who needs a home. This little girl's birthmom is very pregnant, and will have her baby within the next couple of weeks. Our worker says that they will place the kids together. "Are we interested?"

First of all choosing to do foster-adoption (aka legal risk) is scary. Having four kids is a stretch. Adoption, in general, is met with curious glances, especially when the couple doing the adopting already has 3 biological kids. But adopting siblings eleven months apart?

I could mention the benefits of siblings being raised together, or I could say how I think having a big family will be fun. But the reality is that a pro-con chart is not going to tip the scales in favor of moving forward with this adoption. From a financial perspective this move is not defensible. It does nothing positive for our 401K, nor is there really much hope for the future. This is not a good decision if we are looking to get a full nights sleep - anytime in the next 2 years. This is not a good decision if I want to have time to read a book - anytime in the next 2 years.

This is "leap of faith" material - pure and simple. Can we count on the grace of God to see us through? Can we count on him to supply all of our needs? Do we trust that He has called us to this, and that he will never abandon us in the journey? Do we believe that children - no matter how they are brought to us, or how close in age - are always a blessing? Will we love our kids, give them the best of us, knowing they are likely to break our hearts? Are we willing to look freakish to the world because we want to know and obey the One who made us?

Regardless of our decision about these two little ones, these are question I need to answer. I could play it safe, or I could walk by faith, and I want to walk by faith. If these little ones are to be ours I'm praying that Eddie and I will have unity. I'm also doing the "Gideon Thing". Lord, give me a sign, okay one more, and one more. Make it obvious; I'm not that bright and I'm a bit of a weeny.

On your marks, get set....

3rd Place in the Science Fair

E did his science fair project on Sugar Crystals. Do you know if sugar crystals grow bigger if the solute cools quickly or slowly? E does. We're very proud of his hard work.

Fairy Tale Party

M's Birthday was in March. She had a FairyTale Party. It was a sweeping success, the talk of the season among the homeschool set - hee hee. There was much sparkle; giggles and squeels aplenty.

Bub

So I just figured out how to add pictures to my blog. This could get dangerous. Anyway, awhile back I blogged about my youngest son, Bub. Remember I said he was adorable and ornery. Consider this picture proof.

Zoo Trip

Reasons We Choose Adoption II

I love my sisters. My sisters are cool. They are my friends, and they share a my history and family. I can always call one of them to get a recipe, or chat, or help me pick a paint color. Sisters are the best at telling you if your butt looks fat in jeans - husbands (the smart ones, at least) suck at this.

I want my daughter to have a sister. I'm not naive enough to assume that just becuase we have 2 girls in our family they will be great friends. But I want M to have the experience of sisterhood. It's a special relationship.

Honestly, this is one of the reasons I want to adopt.