Abby's Ballad

"I'm (n)inja Abby.
I'm Inja Abby.
We are the Inja Girls.
The spiders are sad and my mom is working on her ipad
I PAD!!!!
It makes me happy!
I am a precious girl, girl...
watch me I (know) how to jump!

She's an original, that girl. And I'm the only one who got to hear that particular song; and it's a one and done kinda thing. No one will ever hear that particular song again. I am the lucky one.

So anyway....life is bumpy post-move. We're kinda taking a pummeling. Caleb is struggling in school. Emma is struggling in school. Ethan isn't actually struggling much, but he likes to complain sometimes anyway. Abby and I are pretty much sick of hanging out with each other - we are the only people we know and we've henceforth been too busy with survival to meet anybody.Eddie is treading water at work, busting his *ss to keep afloat. So last week I'd had it. HAD IT! I decided I was done watching my family take a beating, and I would not sit idly by and watch it happen.

"Dammit", I said. And I really meant damn-it; like Satan, you and your minions are headed to Hell, and let me help you on your way. You will not wreak havoc on my family. So I've been getting up early and praying, praying, praying.

God and I had a little heart to heart.

"You said you wouldn't leave us, you said you'd never forsake. GOD, do you hear me? We are drowning here! Show up!"

I've been reading this book off and on; It's called "When God Interrupts". When I don't hate it I really like it. The author says, and I paraphrase, "When you feel as though you've been abandoned by God you've only been abandoned by the God of your own making. Not the real God. He doesn't abandon and He doesn't behave how we believe he should. He's the Jesus that showed up after Lazarus died, not before. He's the Jesus who waited till after the grief and loss to make an appearance, and He's the mysterious one who doesn't abandon and never forsakes. He is the One worth knowing."

And though we are in the thick of it, and we are still taking a beating, I do believe we have not been abandoned. More than that, He has been gracious in his blessings.

-We found a church we like (an ironic story for another day)
-We got a great doctor, and some teachers who are really on the ball sorting through the crisis with Caleb.
-Abby (or theoretically special needs child) is doing really well. We found her a preschool too.
-We live in a beautiful place, and somehow it soothes when the suckage here gets pretty intense.
-Eddie has someone at works who understands.
-Caleb made a friend. So did the other kids.
-A lady I met invited me to coffee; I might soon have a friend in this fine state.
-Wine is yummy and cheap when you live this close to Napa.

So it's a mixed bag. Hard stuff. Lots of blessing too. Then more hard stuff.