I used to be kinda hip and fun, and generally a low-maintenance friend. Not so much anymore. Because anytime we choose to care for kids of trauma we adopt their trauma too. In fact, a very large majority of people parenting FASDers end up being treated for post-traumatic stress. Trauma is contagious. And this makes for a messy life. Messy is not terribly attractive. And, sadly, I do understand why casual friends won't choose to stick around. They miss fun and hip. Heck, I miss fun and hip.
I read a statistic just recently that said 80% of families who adopt special needs kids find themselves abandoned by friends, family and church. They literally become outcasts. When fun and hip become broken and messy people head for the hills.
I feel so very blessed that the story of the majority is not our story. We have great friends who love us even in the mess. We have a church community who has not run for the hills. And our families, though they sometimes think us nuts, have not been scared off yet.