When a person writes she ought to have a well thought out premise or thesis. Be forewarned: I do not have a thesis. I am doing catharsis, which is different and messier. Join me or don't, but I need to say these things.
The suckage factor was really high when did our first serious stint with public school last year. One of my children did just fine - theoretically. He just came home with a newly acquired bad attitude about being inconvenienced by those who were younger and weaker than himself. So for all the talk of tolerance, the attitude being sponged up at school was one of intolerance. And the language and behavior of this attitude were being wrung out in our home. Not cool. But, sadly, it was benign compared to my other kids' experience.
My daughter had the misfortune of being in a class of a tenured teacher. Tenure isn't so bad if its a fabulous teacher who has it. I believe many fabulous teachers are tenured. However, there are some real skunks in the bunch. And the thing is that public school teachers are up against some major hurdles. Their funding stinks, they must teach to a (lame) test. The system is clunky, classrooms are large, kids come to school burdened by the brokenness of their own lives. Good teachers have a challenge. Bad teachers don't have a prayer. What's worse is that they can do real damage. My daughter started having panic attacks about reading out loud, and hid in the bathroom to cry. Things fell apart for this smart girl, but she could have made it, I think. She could have survived. Not thrived, but survived.
But for my youngest son school was devastating. He was placed with 2 teachers doing a job share. Word on the street was that one of these teachers was quite the yeller. And from the few times I was in the classroom I tend to believe it. This class was also full of kids with special needs, so many that any teacher would have struggled. Plus, there were 30 kid in the class to begin with, many of whom were English language learners. My son was placed in a table group between two boys with severe ADHD. As my son also has ADHD (well no H, actually) there couldn't have been a worse spot in the room.
Caleb was not unfamiliar with the classroom. He'd had lots of OPTIONS teachers (via our old homeschool charter) And he'd had a loving Kindergarten teacher and wonderful aides at the little Christian school we attended. Yet as he floundered, the teachers dismissed my cries for help by saying that because Caleb had been homeschooled he simply didn't know how to behave in a classroom (he wasn't misbehaving), and that he had not been given educational opportunity.
Never mind the ADHD, or the strong suspicion of auditory processing issues. I was just his educated, invested mother meddling. What could I possible know about my child?
All of my kids were stunned by the harshness of their teachers and the misbehavior of the students. Caleb was floored. He developed some SERIOUS school anxiety. He stopped eating, couldn't sleep and was plagued by nightmares. By the time we unenrolled him, I was literally having to drag this unassuming, laid back kid out of the car and force him into the classroom. Not going to school was a hill he was willing to die on. He hated it.
The only silver lining is that I became absolutely certain that there was something BIG going on. My son was drowning. So the RTI (response to intervention) process began, at my insistence. What they don't tell you is that response is slow and the intervention is inappropriate. There is push back when you ask an underfunded, overworked school staff to spend cash and resources on discerning the precise problem and crafting an appropriate educational plan. The law says that every student has the right to a "free and appropriate education", yet the RTI process can become a loop hole to get around having to actually write a 504 or an IEP. Plus, with so many kids acting out, it's relatively easy to ignore a quiet, underperforming kid with his head in the clouds.
The one thing they tell parents going through this process is that a parent should never attend a student study team / IEP / 504 meeting along. But who was I to bring? Eddie had to watch the kids, and we didn't know anyone in the state of California. I thought, I'm pretty smart and articulate. I know what I want for my son; I don't need to bring anyone. Pfft. I was the girl tied to the tracks and the Student Study Team and School Bureaucracy were the locomotive headed my way. It was totally traumatizing. I was so utterly pissed and flabbergasted.
So we enrolled Caleb in a homeschool charter and I started homeschooling again. Lo and behold my son started to eat and sleep. He began to learn. He was smart, gained confidence, and became his well adjusted self. Yet the issues didn't disappear. ADHD was still looming; the auditory processing challenged that were debilitating in a classroom faded into the background. But something was amiss.
So as we began this year I donned my nerd cap and went investigating. It turns out that the specific auditory weakness my son has are more akin to language processing issues, and could be classified as a specific learning disorder. In short: Dyslexia. I just needed a diagnosis to prove it. So, I began the process again, through our charter. This week we had a meeting that was akin to a student study team. I was have PSTD flashbacks, and was ready for a fight.
Guess what happened? The literacy coordinator listened to me. She took me seriously. She offered some suggestions, and agreed we'd need to monitor progress. Then, she offered a 504. Offered it. What's more she ordered the (expensive) testing to be done. Just like that. Without me asking. And she was ... nice.
I. am. stunned.
So. Grateful .
And so sure we made the right choice. It is hard work. It is unconventional. But it is best for us in this season.
Two others didn't
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