Bear, the Psycotic Dog

My kids have been begging for a pet for years. According to them they were the only kids in America without a one; it's a terrible burden to bear. I held out for a good long time, but the mom guilt gets to you after a while, so it was time to consider. consider. consider. pet acquisition.

Reptiles, amphibians, and rodents are icky. They were, and are, an absolute NO GO!

Cats give me hives and make it impossible to breathe.

Dogs...I'm allergic to some dogs. But there are a few that I can tolerate.

Thus, began the saga.

The story begins with me doing hours upon hours of research into hypo-allergenic dogs. Apparently, poodles are the hypo-allergenic-ist of all dogs. So people cross breed poodles with other breeds to get the hypo-allergenic qualities of a poodle and hopefully breed out the poodle ugliness. They're called designer dogs, and unbeknownst to me they are all the rage. There are labradoodles, and goldendoodles, and ausi-doodles, and cockadoodles. And then there are micro-mini versions of all of the above. It boggles the mind.

There is also a breed called bichpoos A certain sad and pathetic bichpoo had taken up residence at the Dumb Friends League, and my internet research had brought him to my attention. Eddie and I went to check on the hypoallergenic qualities of this dog, and ended up bringing him home. He was a sorry sight. Bad hair cut. Recently neutered. Skittish little thing. But he loved me - loved me to distraction.

We named him Oso, which means bear. It was wishful thinking.

One week and a couple hundred dollars into dog ownership we discovered a thing. The dog was psychotic. Fear had driven him insane. Really. I'd leave and he'd freak out to the point he'd start injuring himself. He chewed off his own claw. We're tolerant of neurosis, so we though we could deal with that. Until he started growling, barking and lunging at every little boy in sight. There are currently 4 little boys in residence. So poor Oso had to go before he attacked a kid.

(Philosophical sidenote: Some people are like Oso, the Psychotic Dog. They are so driven by fear that they hurt themselves and others. The need to control destroys them and the people around them.)

We returned Oso, the Psychotic Dog to the shelter Wednesday. But, of course, the story cannot end here. My kids have ridden an emotional roller-coaster. It went like this:

Children had born the burden of pet-free status for years.
Finally, they got a dog.
The dog was psychotic.
The dog had to be returned.
Imagine with me the years of therapy this kind of trauma could entail...


I needed a hypo-allergenic, non-psychotic puppy, at a deep discount, and in a hurry.

So I email every breeder of hypo-allergenic pups this side of the Mississippi, begging for a discount. Designer dogs are expensive. I needed a miracle of puppy proportion.

Kathy, at AAC Ranch, came through for me. She had mercy on our pathetic story and sold us a darling little fuzz ball at an $800 discount. We call her Kota. It's short for Lakota Pumpkin. "Pumpkin" because its October. "Lakota" because that is kid #4's ethnic background. I think it might be weird to name your dog after your daughters ethnic background. I mean really who names their dog African American, or Northern European? You see what I mean?

Anyway - we are now pet owners. She's nine weeks old. And a puppy in every sense of the word.