I STILL don't have anything cute or pithy to say. But I know the few that read this are looking for updates with kids etc. Inquiring Grandmas want to know...
-We are foster parents now. Of kittens. Gretchen suckered me good, and now 3 little kitties have taken up residence in the kids bathroom. They are so cute. The kids love them. I like them more than I let on. Eddie is entirely ambivalent, but he is gracious. Because the people he loves love them he tollerates. The kids are pushing to become permanent kitten foster parents, wherein we get a new batch as the "old" ones are leaving. We shall see...
-Spring fever has hit and motivation is waning. I would feel guilty about this except I know the same is happening in every homeschool, private school, and public school across the nation.
-Abby got into the preschool we wanted her to go to for FREE. We don't meet the income requirements for a subsidy, but her history qualifies her.
Yesterday was the preschool evaluation. Abby peed her pants on the way in. Then she started to meltdown but good because they transitioned her through 4 rooms in 30 minutes. Abby doesn't do transition that quickly; those teachers started to catch on as Abby's eyes flooded with tears, she pretended not to hear (or comply), and went off to play with the off-limits kitchen set.
The evaluator was gracious; she'd sat through evals. with hundreds of typical kiddos, and new something was up. I filled her in a bit. Then she wiggled around the numbers in our favor and got us into the preschool that meets the needs of special ed kids. She did NOT have to do that.
"Hold up", you say. "Special ed?" Yep (though Abby will be with typical kids mostly). Abby does fabulously with experienced teachers who get her need for help with transitions. Teachers who understand giving choices, not ultimatums, have an easy time of it. Teachers who use simple language, create routine, and keep things structured and quiet will have no trouble. Special Ed teachers know how to do that. Brand spankin' newbie teachers w/o the training will be given a run for their money -by a four year old. I promise. So we got into the school we needed to be in, and I'm thankful for it.
-I want to go back to school. Grad school. I'd like a Master's in Social Work. I'm looking into it. But I know I need to hold off for a couple of years - probably. Tell me this: why is grad school so expensive even for a MSW? Social workers make terrible money, and they pay a lot in tuition to do it.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The kitchen sink
I have nothing important or interesting to write about.
So here is a bit of the uninteresting and unimportant:
We will likely be getting a significant chunk of change back from our taxes because of new adoption tax law. Getting a lump sum like that is sort of weird. What to do? We are STILL paying for the eviction of our tenants in our rental house. The responsible thing to do would be to pay that off. How unfun! We might do a little of that but we are also planning on re-doing our kitchen.
We like our house, but our kitchen is a lame 2 butt affair (My family measures the quality of kitchens by how many butts can comfortably fit in them. And by that metric ours is a serious loser). This little kitchen is dumb, because our house is pretty spacious, and there are lots of us. And we like to invite people over. The two butt kitchen makes things more than cozy. We bought the house in spite of the kitchen with plans to re-do it. Now, 4 years later or so, we're getting around to it.
Our basement is an apartment. This summer it will be empty. Seriously, how many people are lucky enough to have a spare kitchen for when they remodel the main one?
I'm looking forward the project beginning and dreading it. We're knocking out walls people and I despise dry wall dust.
As per our M.O. we are doing things on the cheap. Eddie will do the labor. We're getting the granite counter tops for free. We found a smokin' deal for high quality semi-custom maple cabinetry. (Maple b/c it's pretty and NOT trendy - trendy seems bad in a kitchen). I'm searching craigslist for new appliances - stainless steel.
Hopefully, if we do it right, it won't throw our lives into upheaval for long. But then again there is that all too true construction maxim: It always takes longer and costs more.
So here is a bit of the uninteresting and unimportant:
We will likely be getting a significant chunk of change back from our taxes because of new adoption tax law. Getting a lump sum like that is sort of weird. What to do? We are STILL paying for the eviction of our tenants in our rental house. The responsible thing to do would be to pay that off. How unfun! We might do a little of that but we are also planning on re-doing our kitchen.
We like our house, but our kitchen is a lame 2 butt affair (My family measures the quality of kitchens by how many butts can comfortably fit in them. And by that metric ours is a serious loser). This little kitchen is dumb, because our house is pretty spacious, and there are lots of us. And we like to invite people over. The two butt kitchen makes things more than cozy. We bought the house in spite of the kitchen with plans to re-do it. Now, 4 years later or so, we're getting around to it.
Our basement is an apartment. This summer it will be empty. Seriously, how many people are lucky enough to have a spare kitchen for when they remodel the main one?
I'm looking forward the project beginning and dreading it. We're knocking out walls people and I despise dry wall dust.
As per our M.O. we are doing things on the cheap. Eddie will do the labor. We're getting the granite counter tops for free. We found a smokin' deal for high quality semi-custom maple cabinetry. (Maple b/c it's pretty and NOT trendy - trendy seems bad in a kitchen). I'm searching craigslist for new appliances - stainless steel.
Hopefully, if we do it right, it won't throw our lives into upheaval for long. But then again there is that all too true construction maxim: It always takes longer and costs more.
Monday, April 18, 2011
funny things
story 1 - I have a jar I keep full of nuts, like cashews, almonds or pistachios. It's easy and healthy snack food for skinny kids. So Caleb was recently busted for putting the pistachio shells back into the jar of uneaten nuts. The boys is quick on his feet, so he responded, "I was just putting them back in case someone found a nut without a shell. So they would be able to put a shell back on it."
Ummm... skeptical.
Because usually when I find a unshelled pistachio I try to put a shell back on before eating it.
Funny guy.
Ummm... skeptical.
Because usually when I find a unshelled pistachio I try to put a shell back on before eating it.
Funny guy.
Kitty Kitty
My sister fosters kittens. Kitten are unfathomably cute. Seriously. WAY CUTE. So I'm considering expanding my orphan care passion to kittens. I'm allergic to cats, but kittens I can handle. And remember....WAY CUTE. Plus, my kids are big enough to really be helpful, and Gretchen insists that its easy and low maintenance. My biggest hang up...I think kitty litter and cats are kinda stinky. Any cat lovers out there who know what to do about that? Cause I WOULD win mother of the year for allowing kittys at home.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Another good post I didn't write.
HERE is another good post. Somehow when talking/writing about prenatal exposure its easier to refer to others. I've done the research. I've got crazy documentation that no one will see but Eddie and I. I am not a loon, at least at not in this regard.I know what I'm talking about. However, I FEEL like a crazy lady, like what I know and have learned is somehow not credible.
Babycakes is in a really good season. We've incorporated some parenting techniques that are transparent to others but essential for our family. No one sees what we see. But they WOULD see behaviors if we weren't doing what we are doing. Invisibility - it's one of the trickiest parts of this whole deal. It's like catching mist.
Babycakes is in a really good season. We've incorporated some parenting techniques that are transparent to others but essential for our family. No one sees what we see. But they WOULD see behaviors if we weren't doing what we are doing. Invisibility - it's one of the trickiest parts of this whole deal. It's like catching mist.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Not Your Neurotypical Kid
I finally got an appointment.
We've been waiting for our littlest to get an evaluation by Children's Hospitals Child Development Unit. It's multidisciplinary, multi-day evaluation is the best at diagnosing the cause of quirkiness neurological issues in kids.
Let's be honest: we've all got quirky neurological issues.
But my baby girl has diagnosable issues. I've hesitated to share them here, because I wanted to preserve my daughters privacy. It's her story, and there are many pieces of her story that will remain hers alone. But there is a need for the people that love her and interact with her to understand what is going on, so they can help her.
Abby has organic brain differences - damage. It's caused by exposure to damaging substances while she was carried by her birth mom. Most people would not be able tell by looking at Abby that her brain works differently. And, in fact, IQ tests would not identify these issues. She's got a normal IQ; counter intuitively, this does not negate the damage.
People with this kind of damage have predictable behaviors that are a result of organic brain damage. They include:
-Poor impulse control. They will steal, because they have the impulse to take with no thought to the consequences, or even that it's wrong to take what doesn't belong to them.
-Difficulty with cause and effect reasoning. They literally do not always learn from mistakes, so punitive disciple is totally ineffective. Punishment doesn't work because it assumes cause and effect reasoning.
-Difficulty understanding abstraction. Concepts like money, time and ownership are a challenge.
-Rigidity. Abby has a strong need to finish things, or do them in a certain order. She really, really struggles to make transitions. Almost any change is stressful. This is very typical.
-Sensory Processing Dysfunction.
-Auditory Processing Dysfunction. They may appear to understand you, but chances are decent that they haven't understood fully at all.
-Dysmaturity. Often there developmental age is far younger than their chronological age.
-Memory Problems. What was that rule again? Oh and it applies at home and at school?
-Communication Problems. Their oral communication surpass their ability to understand language. So it appears that they have good verbal skills and are understanding instructions, but they don't. This is often mistaken for defiance.
-Difficulty regulating sleep wake cycles.
-Unpredictable good days and bad days.
All of these struggles present in behavioral problems. On a bad day it appears that children with this kind of brain damage are spoiled, naughty, and out of control. As adults, the same behaviors can land a person in jail. It is all too common.
Eddie and I are learning that to effectively parent this little girl of ours we MUST look beyond behavior. Behaviors are cues that tell us she needs help. So we're learning NOT to parent behavior, but instead parent needs. It's a gigantic paradigm shift, and difficult to do.
So when Abby gets out of bed 6 times after we've told her not to, we are tempted to give her greater and greater consequences. It's usually totally ineffective. Warn. Spank. Bark orders. Threat more consequences - it just doesn't work. We've got to remember her brain is damaged so sleep is hard for her. Impulse control is hard for most preschoolers, and nearly impossible for her. Plus, she truly may have forgotten (though in her case - I doubt it.).
What works? Predictable routine. Simple language. Repetition. Warm milk. Melatonin supplements. Baby gates. It is far easier to avoid the problem all together, by setting up our daughter for success.
We would accommodate the needs of a child who is a paraplegic. We'd build ramps, and buy wheel chairs, and modify the layout of our home to allow for the most independence and success. Organic Brain Damage must be seen in the same way. The brain is somewhat pliant, but the damage is permanent. We must create an environment for success.
We keep our home calm. We establish routine. We lock up dangerous items, and secure doors. We use simple language. We repeat. We offer grace. We model correct behavior - try to move daily independence activities into long term memory. We minimize transitions, and are careful to not take Abby places where she will go into sensory overload if she's having a bad day. We learn techniques to help her regulate.
And most of the time, if we're doing our job well, and she's having a good day, you wouldn't be able to tell she is anything other than a typical kid.
We've been waiting for our littlest to get an evaluation by Children's Hospitals Child Development Unit. It's multidisciplinary, multi-day evaluation is the best at diagnosing the cause of quirkiness neurological issues in kids.
Let's be honest: we've all got quirky neurological issues.
But my baby girl has diagnosable issues. I've hesitated to share them here, because I wanted to preserve my daughters privacy. It's her story, and there are many pieces of her story that will remain hers alone. But there is a need for the people that love her and interact with her to understand what is going on, so they can help her.
Abby has organic brain differences - damage. It's caused by exposure to damaging substances while she was carried by her birth mom. Most people would not be able tell by looking at Abby that her brain works differently. And, in fact, IQ tests would not identify these issues. She's got a normal IQ; counter intuitively, this does not negate the damage.
People with this kind of damage have predictable behaviors that are a result of organic brain damage. They include:
-Poor impulse control. They will steal, because they have the impulse to take with no thought to the consequences, or even that it's wrong to take what doesn't belong to them.
-Difficulty with cause and effect reasoning. They literally do not always learn from mistakes, so punitive disciple is totally ineffective. Punishment doesn't work because it assumes cause and effect reasoning.
-Difficulty understanding abstraction. Concepts like money, time and ownership are a challenge.
-Rigidity. Abby has a strong need to finish things, or do them in a certain order. She really, really struggles to make transitions. Almost any change is stressful. This is very typical.
-Sensory Processing Dysfunction.
-Auditory Processing Dysfunction. They may appear to understand you, but chances are decent that they haven't understood fully at all.
-Dysmaturity. Often there developmental age is far younger than their chronological age.
-Memory Problems. What was that rule again? Oh and it applies at home and at school?
-Communication Problems. Their oral communication surpass their ability to understand language. So it appears that they have good verbal skills and are understanding instructions, but they don't. This is often mistaken for defiance.
-Difficulty regulating sleep wake cycles.
-Unpredictable good days and bad days.
All of these struggles present in behavioral problems. On a bad day it appears that children with this kind of brain damage are spoiled, naughty, and out of control. As adults, the same behaviors can land a person in jail. It is all too common.
Eddie and I are learning that to effectively parent this little girl of ours we MUST look beyond behavior. Behaviors are cues that tell us she needs help. So we're learning NOT to parent behavior, but instead parent needs. It's a gigantic paradigm shift, and difficult to do.
So when Abby gets out of bed 6 times after we've told her not to, we are tempted to give her greater and greater consequences. It's usually totally ineffective. Warn. Spank. Bark orders. Threat more consequences - it just doesn't work. We've got to remember her brain is damaged so sleep is hard for her. Impulse control is hard for most preschoolers, and nearly impossible for her. Plus, she truly may have forgotten (though in her case - I doubt it.).
What works? Predictable routine. Simple language. Repetition. Warm milk. Melatonin supplements. Baby gates. It is far easier to avoid the problem all together, by setting up our daughter for success.
We would accommodate the needs of a child who is a paraplegic. We'd build ramps, and buy wheel chairs, and modify the layout of our home to allow for the most independence and success. Organic Brain Damage must be seen in the same way. The brain is somewhat pliant, but the damage is permanent. We must create an environment for success.
We keep our home calm. We establish routine. We lock up dangerous items, and secure doors. We use simple language. We repeat. We offer grace. We model correct behavior - try to move daily independence activities into long term memory. We minimize transitions, and are careful to not take Abby places where she will go into sensory overload if she's having a bad day. We learn techniques to help her regulate.
And most of the time, if we're doing our job well, and she's having a good day, you wouldn't be able to tell she is anything other than a typical kid.
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