So I haven't blogged in forever. I've been busy. Uber, ultra, insanely busy. And loving it. I hung up my home school hat and pulled on a new elementary school teacher one. I rocked it, if I do say so myself, for one whole calendar year. It was totally energizing. Unfortunately, it was also unsustainable. The thing is, I have 4 little kids, and a very busy husband. And while I was off teaching my closets got cluttered, my hubs got a smidge neglected, and my kids went along for the roller-coaster ride. For while I had as near a perfect set up as any working mom could hope for but I had forgotten an important thing:
Near is not With.
Somewhere in the business I lost touch with my childrens' hearts, at least to a degree. Eddie was feeling like I didn't like him. I dig my husband. I didn't have time to call my sisters, or my friends, or my mom or dad. People became tasks. And that, my friends, is a problem. I was near my family, but my heart was not with them, and they suffered for it. My girls, in particular, are walking with a bit of an emotional limp these days. It needs to be addressed.
So I quit.
Ouch. That stings. Oh, how that stings. It feels like a little bit of death. I LOVED my job. I was really GOOD at my job.
But remind me this is a season. It is a season, right?
There is an old cliche that says, "When God closes a door he always opens a window?" I think that might be crap. Like God sends us scrambling out the escape hatch because He somehow screwed up Plan A. It does, however, feel like God has asked me to walk right over and close a door. He didn't close it; he asked me if I would trust him enough to close it myself. So I'm left here asking, "God why did I close the door? I know you love me. I know you have good for me. But closing that door cost me." And he understands that. He knows what it cost me. And I am waiting to see what door he opens before me. I am looking for a door, not some measly escape hatch. A door. Plan A. And maybe it's just living in this season, at home, with my 4 little kids. Maybe it is the chance to be WITH, and not just near.
